Sahib and the Crew Save the World

USA USA USA! Must Be Racist Gangbangers!

2012-03-09T11:20:00.001-06:00

Tough day at work for the Crew. What with the mild winter we've had, it's getting harder and harder to find good baby seal clubbing ground. Anyway, I digress. I settle down in front of my computer, only to learn that the name of my country is now classified as a racist attack.

At a high school basketball game in San Antonio, the student section of the winning team apparently started chanting USA, USA, USA as the game wound down. For the record, the winning school (Alamo Heights High) is primarily Caucasian and the losing school (Thomas Edison High) is primarily Hispanic. Predictably, officials from Thomas Edison were offended and perceived the chant as racist.

Here is the issue being discussed on Fox News program The Five.....

At around the 7:30 mark in the video, Juan Williams compares the incident to one that SACSTW covered here. In that incident, high school students in the People's Republic of California were deemed to have been racially offensive to Hispanic students. Their crime...wearing Tshirts depicting the American flag. Unbelievably, Juan Williams equated that with "wearing gang colors". Let me tell you folks, if red, white, and blue are the new gang colors, then patch me in.

The take-home message about the USA chant from those who took offense is that the chant was out of context because the game was not an "international" contest. The game was between two schools located in the USA, with the students on both sides being Americans.

Hmmm, somebody better tell Rosalba Aguillon. Ms. Aguillon is a student at Thomas Edison High, and was interviewed about the incident by Fox News. She explained that she was offended "coming from a school that has mainly Mexicans. I feel that was wrong, they shouldn't have chanted that".

In fact, it is much ado about nothing. Sound engineers in the SACSTW research lab have uncovered the truth behind the chanting at Alamo Heights High. The students were simply celebrating Tom Vilsack's recent announcement of 1.2 million in federal grant money made available for rural Texans. That's right, if you listen closely you can hear the students lusty cry of USDA, USDA, USDA! It brings a tear to my eye to see youngsters so supportive of bloated federal bureaucracies. Touching really.

Gotta run for now, I'm going to head down to the creek and catch a mess of snail darters for lunch. Tasty little critters, but you need a bucket full to make a decent meal.

Why Conservatives Hate Food Stamps: Meet Amanda Clayton

2012-03-08T08:08:00.004-06:00

Parasite of the Year! Amanda Clayton

People wonder why we heartless conservatives hate food stamps and other public assistance programs. Yes, we hate poor people, non-white people, non-American people, non-heterosexual people, women, children, baby seals, trees, and the planet in general. Conservatives (males and females) take great pleasure in polluting the earth, clubbing baby seals, starving children, and keeping all non-white, non-rich, non-Anglo-Saxon, non-American, non-heterosexual, non-males subservient to white, rich, Anglo-Saxon, American, heterosexual, males.

But these are not the reasons we hate government assistance programs... Parasite of the Year, Amanda Clayton, is why we hate government assistance programs. Ms. Clayton is 24 years old, unemployed, and lives in an small home in Lincoln Park, Michigan. Ms. Clayton is on food stamps. You might think, "Gee, this is exactly the kind of person who needs a helping hand. She deserves tax-payer funded food stamps."

What you may not know, is that Ms. Clayton won $1,000,000 in the Michigan state lottery last fall. Unfortunately, poor Ms. Clayton did not actually receive $1,000,000. After taking a lump sum and paying taxes, she received the pittance of a little over $500,000. For you KCMO public school attendees, that is $100,000 a year for the next five years. Tax free. Despite her windfall, Ms. Clayton continues to receive (and use) $200 a month in food stamps.

When asked if she felt she deserved and it was right to continue to receive food stamps, this was her reply:

“I feel that it’s okay because I mean, I have no income and I have bills to pay,” she said. “I have two houses.”

You can view the news story of her plight in the video below:

I am a realist. I understand that any government assistance program, no matter how well run, will have fraud and abuse. Although I believe that everything that can be done to limit these things should be done, I am willing to except some degree of fraud and abuse in the interest of helping people who truly need it.

What infuriates me is that this woman truly believes she "deserves" food stamp assistance because she doesn't have a job. Sadly, she is not really to blame for feeling this way. The liberal establishment has brain-washed people into believing they "deserve" to have the government take care of their every need. I mean poor Amanda has bills, two houses, and no job. It's her right as an American that the government takes care of her. It's not her fault that she happens to have $500,000 in the bank. The money comes from the government, right? It's not like it comes from people with children, bills, ONE house, and jobs. What do heartless conservatives expect her to do? Get a job?

Conservatives are continually accused of trying to keep the less fortunate repressed. When in actuality, what better way is there to keep them down than to convince them that their existence is completely dependent on the largess of those in power?

Until parents (I've given up on the public school systems) start imbuing their children with a work ethic and sense of personal responsibility, we will see more and more people like the parasitic Ms. Clayton. And stories like this will continue to push my blood pressure to the point where my brain is likely to explode.

I implore you parents to teach your children that no one "owes" them anything except the opportunity to work hard and accomplish great things in their lives. I really don't want my brain to explode. Mrs. Sahib will make me clean it up.

Editor's note: Our good friend Carma pointed out that my satirical and hyperbolic statements about conservatives might be misconstrued by any liberals reading this post. I was illustrating the way conservatives are portrayed by the left. For any lefties reading this, you can look up satirical and hyperbolic at: www.dictionary.com

Cavernous Trachea Strikes Again! Obama Letter to Karl Marx

2012-03-07T09:46:00.004-06:00

Just when The Crew and I had thought we had heard the last of Cavernous Trachea, it happened again. I was pulling the daily school planner out of Sahib Jr.'s backpack and I found an envelope addressed to SACSTW. In the envelope was a letter with a post-it-note on it. The post-it-note said, "Hello gentlemen! Here is the latest missive from Dear Leader Obama to his hero and inspiration, Karl Marx. Enjoy! Your friend, CT " This was the letter enclosed:

Dear Karl,

I don't care what anyone says! I did NOT have another "episode". Maybe my celebration was a little excessive, but once again my actions were misinterpreted. I probably shouldn't have done my Yosemite Sam imitation, snatched that Secret Service agent's gun out of his holster, and started shooting holes into the ceiling of the Oval Office, but I was just so darn excited. Things are really starting to come together.

Joe hasn't said anything incredibly stupid in the last 24 hours. (I wonder if he's in the country.) Moochelle is planning another vacation and is going to be on Leno so she hasn't been nagging me about smoking. The republicans are beating the crap out of each other in the primaries. Breitbart's death has delayed the release of his "Obama Gone Wild" video series at least for a while. Life is good! But you know what Karl? That's not what really has me revved up. I have accomplished two things I thought would never happen in my presidency.

My two biggest enemies, Rush Limbaugh and Benjamin Netanyahu, have really screwed the pooch. I think I've really snowed Bibi about Iran. I think I've lulled him into complacency by repeating "Give negotiations a chance! Give sanctions a chance!" over and over again. I never thought he would buy it, but I believe he has. He has to keep the rhetoric up to assuage his constituency, but I think I can stall him long enough that Iran will have nukes before Israel feels they have to preemptively strike. I am SO smart. But he's just the little Satan. I've scored my biggest victory against the Great Satan, Rush Limbaugh.

I can't believe Rush fell for DNC plant, "23" year old Sandra Fluke. I mean it was SOOOO obvious. She's a Cornell graduate for Pete's sake, and that's where I "went" to college. (Hee, hee, hee) Wait, no, I "went" to Columbia. Oh well, whatever. She was perfect with her "cherished" friend who lost her ovary due to the pernicious policies of the Georgetown administration. I can't believe no one thought to ask why such a champion of female contraceptive rights wouldn't chip in a few bucks a month to help a "cherished" friend in dire medical straights. Or why didn't her anonymous friend go to Planned Parenthood or any of the multiple free clinics in DC? Stupid conservatives. And then Rush takes the bait hook, line, and sinker by calling her a slut and prostitute. I couldn't get the talking points off the Media Matters fast enough. Five dollar a gallon gas, trafficking guns to Mexican drug cartels, the Volt going belly up, more "green" energy companies propped up by federal loans failing, who cares? Rush obliquely called someone a slut. This has been the best week ever.

Well Karl, I have to go. The doctors won't give me any more of those B12 shots that make me feel so good. Eric Holder has to sneak them to me down in the kitchen. If I don't take them, my unicorn, Stanley, doesn't show up for our evening rides on the South Lawn. Thanks for letting me share my awesome news with you.

Your friend,

Barry

I dug through Sahib Jr.'s backpack looking for more clues as to the identity of Cavernous Trachea. All I found were some gumdrops in the bottom of his backpack. Sahib Jr. hates gumdrops. Hmmmmm....

SACSTW at Obama Presser?

2012-03-06T07:00:00.000-06:00

President Obama will hold a press conference, his first in almost 4 months, today at 1pm EST. Although it might seem strange for Dear Leader to hold a presser on Super Tuesday, it makes perfect political sense. On the day when GOP voters in ten states will go to the polls to help select his general election opponent, Obama is doing everything he can to continue the fabricated furor over "Contraception-gate".

While Obama's introductory statements will be about his meetings with Benjamin Netanyahu, he will be salivating in anticipation of the first Sandra Fluke question. Then the bashing and demonization of the GOP in general and Rush Limbaugh in particular can continue unabated.

Unfortunately, SACSTW will be at the conference in spirit only. That hasn't stopped me from formulating a list of questions I would like Dear Leader to address.

1) Do you believe that voter intimidation should be allowed at polliing places, as long as it is conducted by large black men carrying blunt weapons?

2) Do you agree with your Justice Department's decision to withhold significant exculpatory evidence from the defense in the ethics trial of former Senator Ted Stevens?

3) Do you believe that the Republican Party is actually waging a war on women as postulated by the Democratic Senatorial Campaign Committee?

4) Do you believe that Speaker of the House John Boehner and U.S. Representative Eric Cantor are, in fact, non-human servants of Satan?

5) Do you believe that members of the Tea Party should "go straight to hell"?

6) Do you believe that Laura Ingraham is a slut?

7) Do you believe that Michelle Malkin is a "big mashed-up bag of meat with lips"?

8) Do you believe that Sarah Palin is a profoundly stupid twat?

9) Do you believe that S.E. Cupp should have been aborted by her mother?

10) Finally Mr. President, and most importantly....What percentage of an American citizen's income should he or she be allowed to keep after local, state, and federal taxation?

Monday Musings With The Crew

2012-03-05T10:36:00.000-06:00

While our national media and central government were busy discussing the sexual appetites of a Georgetown University law student, you might have missed this "shocking" event over the weekend. As predicted in this space back in October, former KGB strongman Vladimir Putin has regained the presidency of Russia. Despite reports of massive voting fraud, including an admission from Mikhail Gorbachev that "these are not going to be honest elections", Putin is back in the office he previously held from 2000-2008. He now has another 6 years to work on his vision of a "Eurasian Union", a Moscow-led conglomerate of nation-states that he says will be based on trade, not ideology. Right. Just like the KGB was based on protecting the rights of individual citizens of the Soviet Union.

Dear Leader has recently been blowing his own horn about how American oil production is up under his "leadership". This is just another example of progressives taking credit for things they have nothing to do with. Let's look at the facts as supplied by the Institute of Energy Research:

Oil production on federal lands in FY2011 declined 11% from FY2010. Oil production on state-owned and private lands increased 14% in the same time period.
Natural gas production on federal lands in FY2011 declined 27% from FY2010. Natural gas production on state-owned and private lands increased 28% in the same time period.
The Obama administration is woeful when it comes to getting American energy resources to its citizens. But hey, I'm sure they will do much better with your health care!

Senator Olympia Snowe (R- Maine) has announced she will not seek re-election in 2012. Her decision was bemoaned by Marjorie Clifton in the Huffington Post as "tragedy in Washington". Clifton called Snowe "the epitome of a good politician", citing as evidence that fact that Snowe was the only Republican senator to vote for Obamacare. Let's review....Republicans are good politicians only when they agree with the secular-progressive agenda for a central government dominated America. Got it.

I found this headline on the website of the Belfast Telegraph this morning...."Buried Alive Challenger Dug Up Dead". It seems that 24 year old Janaka Basnayake of Sri Lanka was attempting to set a world record for the longest time buried alive. After spending about 6.5 hours buried in a 10 foot deep trench, Basnayake was dug up and taken to a hospital where he was dead on arrival. Here's what I found most interesting. The article states that "doctors were not immediately able to determine how he died". Note to self....scratch Sri Lanka off the places to go when needing a medical condition diagnosed!

Oh, those wacky school teachers! New York public school teacher Melissa Dean recently had her 5th grade class write cards to her boyfriend John Coccarelli because she "thought it was a nice thing to do". How sweet. What she didn't mention to the students was Mr. Coccarelli is a guest of the New York penal system on a weapons possession beef, and was also charged in 2008 with possession of child pornography. Makes you feel all warm and fuzzy inside about the teaching profession, doesn't it?

Finally, there's this.....

Talk amongst yourselves....

Grounding the Chevy Volt

2012-03-03T18:35:00.000-06:00

Crewstradamus is at it again! About a month ago, I asked in this space "isn't it time to pull the plug on the Volt?". Looks like the powers that be at Obama Motors have come to the same conclusion. In a statement released by the government, er company, GM has announced it is halting production of the Dolt and "temporarily" laying off 1300 workers. At this time, production is scheduled to resume on April 24. A GM spokesman said "...we are still seeking to align our production with demand". With production now at zero, I'd say it is perfectly aligned with demand.

By the way, this week Barack Obama said he was looking forward to buying and driving a Volt "after he is no longer President". Well Dear Leader, I have good news and bad news for you. The bad news is it looks like you will have to buy a used Volt. The good news is it will only be about a year old.

Finally tonight, I leave you with this. SACSTW researchers have infiltrated GM's research and development lab where government scientists are hard at work on the company's green version of its classic Corvette. While we at SACSTW headquarters have lost contact with our agents, they were able to smuggle out this photo of the vehicle in development before presumably being captured by Obama's minions.

At least it has more luggage room than a Smart Car

Hollywood HOs: Kanye West

2012-03-02T07:30:00.001-06:00

Hollywood HOs

Kanye West not only writes about hoes, he is one. He is this week's Hollywood HOs winner. Who can forget his kind and gracious treatment of that undeserving tramp, Taylor Swift?

"Gimme that!"

Well Kanye has been in the giving mood the last few years. The Kanye West Foundation dolled out over one million dollars between 2009 and 2010.... to Kanye's buddies. A whopping $583 went to some discernible charitable organization over that same period. Well, you know the old saying... Charity begins with homies..

Show me the money! (said the IRS)

Mr. West, your humble, kind, and generous behavior has cemented my opinion of rap "artists" and rap as a "musical" genre. As I tell Mrs. Sahib and Sahib Jr., it's not music! It's chanting to a beat. I'm still holding out hope for Sahib Jr. Jr.'s taste in music.

News of the Funny and Bizarre:

Stories and Pics on the web that made me cringe or laugh this week. With all the crap going on in the world, I hope this lightens your load just a little.

Nancy Pelosi parking spot sign:

CNN founder Ted Turner 'spends one week each month with a different girlfriend'
I guess he ain't fonda Jane anymore...

Playboy, Virgin Galactic tout zero-grav nookie in spaaaaace!
Printed food served by frisky jetpack bunnies
A weekend getaway for Ted Turner?

Have a great weekend everyone!

Breitbart Dead At 43

2012-03-01T12:45:00.000-06:00

A sad day at SACSTW with the unexpected passing of Andrew Breitbart. Mr. Breitbart was a steadfast soldier in the conservative movement, completely unafraid to take on the most powerful progressives on the planet. Did that courage cost him his life?

I'm usually not one for conspiracy theories, but I do like facts. On February 10,2012, Andrew Breitbart said this at the Conservative Political Action Committee conference in Washington:

Less than 3 weeks after promising videos of Barack Obama's early days as a radical, this 43 year old man was dead. Is there a connection between the two? I'll let you decide for yourself.

Koran Burning: A Weenie Roast Gone Bad

2012-03-01T08:34:00.001-06:00

Waiting on the Fatwa...

Intrepid SACSTW reporters have AGAIN uncovered the truth in another story of supposed "atrocities" in Afghanistan. This time, the calm, peaceful, tolerant people of Afghanistan have their burqas in a bunch over the light toasting of a couple of Korans by American forces.

This is a simple cultural misunderstanding. American forces are an outdoorsy bunch. They like to relieve themselves outdoors: "USMC Yellow 'Rain' of Terror Conspiracy Exposed" and they like to camp.

This time they decided to have a hootenanny to foster good will with the Afghani people . And what good hootenanny doesn't have a campfire? They planned on singing Islamic campfire favorites such as: "She'll be Blowing up the Mountain When She Comes" and "Boom By Ya" and they decided to cook dinner over the campfire.

They purchased halal hot-dogs. (100% beef, no pork, blessed by the local Imam) They even had smores! The problem arose when the campfire wasn't hot enough to cook the hot-dogs. A "Native American" soldier informed everyone that the hottest campfires were fueled by bull sh!t (BS). Non-"Native American" soldiers misunderstood and understandably tossed a couple of Korans on the fire.

Once the misunderstanding was resolved, the Korans were retrieved from the fire. Apparently the Afghanis, after sewing up the vagina of a 12 year old girl and beheading a couple of homosexuals, decided that this was a affront to their moral code. The images below illustrate their measured and completely reasonable response:

This generated...

This!

Dear Leader Obama sent a three page letter of grovelling to Afghan President Karzai, but even better was this video apology by SACSTW favorite Kira Davis. As Americans, Sahib and The Crew are appalled that our president didn't accurately portray the depth of our contrition. Kira sums it up perfectly.

We expect the fatwa any day now...

UPDATE: Just heard that Andrew Breitbart died last night. Our thoughts and prayers are with his family.

An Apology: Video of the Year! You Must Watch!

2012-02-29T07:30:00.000-06:00

Kira Davis gets my vote for Secretary of State or Ambassador to the United Nations! You can check out her wonderful blog at: KiraDavis.net

Thank you so much to our friend Kenny Solomon at IsraelSurvialUpdates.wordpress.com for bringing this fantastic video to our attention!

Please have your friends and followers check this video out.

Bonus Material:
The pic below is NOT a fake or put up. A friend of Mrs. Sahib was filling up this evening and saw this note taped to the gas pump.

We encourage everyone to make similar notes and leave them as educational material for the uninformed.

If You Want a Palestine, How About Hispanstine?

2012-02-28T10:01:00.000-06:00

"Official" Flag of Hispanstine

This weekend I had a lively discussion with a former state department employee who spent 21 years in garden spots like Iraq, Egypt, and Yemen. His view of our role and status in the world was unsurprising, yet discouraging.

After discussing Iraq, Afghanistan, and Iran (He believes the Iranians are bluffing and really don't want war with Israel.) our conversation turned to the Israeli/Palestinian conflict.

Sitting in that converted warehouse watching kids play indoor soccer, the heavens opened up and I had an epiphany. I have been wrong my entire adult life. Yes devoted readers, your beloved Sahib has been WRONG.

My previous post about a "Palestinian State? Just Say No" was misguided and hateful. It makes no difference that there has never in the history of the world been a Palestine. Who cares if the British Mandate in Palestine was divided 75% the for Arabs living in that region and 25% for the Jews with the 75% being called Trans-Jordan? The Palestinian people shouldn't have to move one foot away from where their ancestors lived. It is irrelevant that genetic analysis suggests that the Palestinians are descendants of Christians and Jews from Southern Levant and that it was not until the Muslim conquests of the 7th century that they "willingly" converted to Islam. They believe they are a unique and individual people and they deserve their own country exactly where their ancestors lived. That a large portion of them were nomadic is of no consequence.

My conversion led to another epiphany (I was very epiphanated this weekend). There is another group of disenfranchised people living much closer to us. They too deserve.... nay, are ordained by divine right to have their own nation. I of course are referring to the Hispantinian people.

Today, I start my campaign to begin the annexation of the US states of New Mexico and California for the creation of the new nation of Hispanstine. I will be submitting my proposal to the United Nations this week. I propose Los Angeles as the capitol. I mean really... if the Jews shouldn't mind sharing Jerusalem, Hollywood shouldn't mind sharing Los Angeles. I will also be submitting an application for official refugee status for all Hispanic people living anywhere in the world who can prove (or at least pinkie-swear they are telling the truth) that some relative, at some time, in the past, lived in what is now known as the southern United States.

The United States will be encouraged/pressured/threatened/blackmailed into providing material, medical, and financial support. Hispantinians will be allowed to work in the United States without interference from the US government. Allowances will be made for any slight indiscretions made by the Hispantinian people such as rocket attacks, mortar attacks, or suicide bombers perpetrated against their former/current oppressors.

SACSTW followers! Join me in supporting the brand new nation of Hispanstine, kindred spirits to their brothers and sisters across the world in Palestine!

Please excuse me... *sob*.... just a little emotionally overwhelmed...

Monday Musings With The Crew

2012-02-27T08:07:00.001-06:00

Let's start this week's fun with my nomination for Sahib's weekly Hollywood HOs award. I am a firm believer in the value of charitable giving, and equally sure that folks must be very careful in choosing what charities to support. Here's hoping no SACSTW reader donated to the Kanye West Foundation before it closed its doors in 2011. Recent reports indicate that in 2010, the Kanye West Foundation spent $572,383, with exactly $0 going to any discernible charitable project. They did do better in 2009, spending a total of $553,826 and a whopping $583 of that actually went to charity. So, over its final 2 years of existence the Kanye West Foundation spent well over 1.1 million dollars, with less than $600 going to charity. Reports filed by the foundation indicate that funds went towards salaries and "overhead expenses". Hellooooo IRS.....don't those numbers kind of pique your interest? Hey Kanye, Wesley Snipes just called. He said you can have the top bunk.

Kanye's favorite charity is ....Kanye!

By the way, those readers looking for a reputable recipient for their charity dollars should consider The Rotary Foundation, learn more about it here

More news from the Save Our Sperm department....Georgia state legislator Yasmin Neal (D) has introduced a bill that would ban vasectomies in the state because "thousands of children are deprived of birth in this state every year because of the lack of state regulation over vasectomies". Ms. Neal is of course trying to make a point here, comparing the lack of political uproar over vasectomies with the abortion issue. While it is true that the "stop vasectomies now" crowd is somewhat ephemeral, it's really apples and oranges. Or rather, gametes and embryos. A more accurate comparison would be vasectomy (men) and tubal ligation (women). Besides, if we are going to ban vasectomy because it deprives children of birth, we are also going to have to get rid of Playboy magazine, Vaseline Intensive Care, and tube socks.

As reported by our friends at BlazingCatFur, Jessie Sansone was surprised to see several squad cars at his 4 year old daughter's school in Kitchener, ON when he arrived last Wednesday to pick her up. He was even more surprised to discover the cops were waiting for him. He was arrested, handcuffed, and taken to the police station where he was charged with possession of a firearm. While he was there being strip-searched, police officers went to his home. They brought his wife to the station, while taking his other children into Child Services to be interviewed. They searched his home. What triggered this arrest and investigation? The 4 year old daughter had DRAWN A PICTURE of her father holding a gun, saying it was "that's my daddy, he uses it to shoot bad guys and monsters". During the search of the Sansone home, police found the weapon the young girl had drawn. It was a plastic toy gun that shoots foam darts. Police Inspector Kevin Thaler attempted to justify this outrage by saying the police received a report from the school that "a firearm was in a residence, and children had access to it. We had every concern, based on this information, that children were in danger".

Well Inspector Thaler, based on the information in this report, I have every concern that you are

a moron and a disgrace to the badge. Hoplophobia is alive and well in Kitchener, Ontario.

In the spirit of last night's Academy Awards, I will end this week's Musings with a little self-congratulation. Over the weekend, SACSTW surpassed the 10,000 view mark, and is now read in 68 countries worldwide. Thanks to all of you who continue to visit SACSTW, please spread the word about us to your friends. Like us on Facebook, and feel free to join the discussion in the comment section! Sahib and I appreciate every one who visits, and plan on entertaining and informing you for a long time to come!

Hollywood HOs: Rihanna and Chris Brown

2012-02-24T08:12:00.001-06:00

Hollywood HOs

Following in the footsteps of shining examples Whitney and Bobby, Rihanna and Chris Brown (what is it with singers with the last name of brown?) are this week's Hollywood HOs winners. Apparently, getting your face bashed in inspires you to hook up and work with the basher. Not only are they supposedly back together on the sly (his current girlfriend is Karrueche Tran), but they have collaborated on a new song, "Birthday Cake (Remix)". It's a charming little ditty with lyrics that would embarrass a sailor on shore leave. I will not quote them, but you can find them here. If you have forgotten what the gentleman caller did to his lovely lady, the pictures below can remind you.

He did this.... To her...

Sources close to Rihanna and Chris Brown report that their next collaboration will be titled, "Battered Women (They Just Don't Listen!)". No one but God knows the hearts of men. Maybe Chris has changed his ways, but I have a bad feeling that this will not end well.

On a lighter note, we have a new Friday feature...

News of the Funny and Bizarre:

Stories on the web that made me cringe or laugh this week. With all the crap going on in the world, I hope this lightens you load just a little.

"Dwarf Bullfighting: where human exploitation and animal cruelty come together to play"

Isn't this just a normal weekend at Michael Moore's place?

"Swedish Street Signs Axed Over Perky Breasts"

This from the home of the Swedish Bikini Team?

Bad Good?

"UFO Phil says he can assume the presidency without a single vote"

Another candidate from Chicago?

I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend!

The Question No Liberal Will Answer: How Much?

2012-02-23T16:08:00.001-06:00

After a particularly invigorating evisceration of a liberal in the comment section of a news article, I was motivated to write this post. The article was in today's Kansas City Star and was titled, "Families Tackle Food Stamp Challenge. Eating on $4.50 a Day". My problem with the articled was that it was incredibly misleading as to the actual level of assistance received by food stamp recipients. The actual amount is $4.50 per day per person. For a family of six, that is $756.00 a month. We don't spend half that monthly in my family and we do not qualify for free school lunches like all food stamp recipients would.

After bashing him about the head and shoulders for a round or two of comments, I cut to the chase and asked him:

HOW MUCH?

How much of what I make should the government "allow" me to keep? GIVE ME A NUMBER. What percentage of what I earn should I be "allowed" to keep?

He accused me of changing the topic, so I answered all his questions and asked mine again. He responded with:

"I don't know what I think you should be 'allowed to keep'. I'm not an economist, but I do know for a fact that of all the money you pay in taxes most of it doesn't pay for food stamps."

And there you have it devoted readers, the typical non-answer I get from liberals every time I ask that question and I've asked it dozens of times. The next specific number I get will be the first.

You might ask, "But why of why will they not answer your question Sahib? You are so soft-spoken and kind!" Here it is.... The big liberal secret..... A liberal will NEVER.. EVER... give you a number or percentage of your earnings you should be "allowed" to keep because....

They want to maintain the ability to always TAKE MORE.

That's their big secret. Spread the word. And if any of you reading are liberals, please feel free to shoot me a number. There's always a first time for everything.

The Obama Apology Tour Gets New Life In Afghanistan

2012-02-22T09:39:00.000-06:00

OK, that's enough! Enough with the bowing and scraping, the melodramatic apologies, and for crying out loud enough with the rubber bullets! Of course I am talking about Afghanistan, where the U.S. Embassy in Kabul is under lockdown this morning, and the military base at Bagram is surrounded by "thousands" of protesters.

By now you have heard that the Afghans are protesting the burning of copies of the Quran at the base. What you might not have heard is why the holy books were removed from the base in the first place. A military official has told the AP that the books were being used by prisoners to communicate extremist messages to one another. Prisoners were inscribing hate-filled messages of Islamic violence in the books, as well as hiding notes in them.

Muslims will have you believe that Islam is "the religion of peace", and the Quran is nothing but rainbows, lollipops, and puppy dogs. If you have read the Quran you know differently, but hey, let's use their own argument. Isn't it fair to say the Muslim prisoners at Bagram desecrated those copies of the Quran by filling them with messages of hate and violence? Military authorities removed the books from the prison to prevent them from being used to advance a violent Islamist agenda. Maybe they shouldn't have burned them, perhaps just chucking them in a dumpster would have been more appropriate.

Protesters outside the base are attacking it with rocks, slingshots, and middle fingers. There has been some gunfire, but in the fine tradition of Muslim whackitrons everywhere, most of the shots have been fired mindlessly into the air. The U.S. military has struck back at the protesters with rubber bullets and profuse apologies. I would prefer maybe water cannon promptly followed by good old fashioned American lead.

Not only are Afghans pelting our servicemen with rocks, I found this photo of one actually attempting to ingest an American woman......

All jokes aside, it's really just another sad chapter in Barack Obama's story of subjugating the United States to Muslim ideology at every turn. What a disgrace this administration has become.

Is Obama an Idiot? (about Iran)

2012-02-21T08:58:00.001-06:00

I've decided that my oldest son, Sahib Jr., should be the Secretary of State. Being as he is only 12, we could have potential child labor issues, but he definitely would cut through the crap. He asked me the other day, "Dad, what's all this stuff about Iran and atomic bombs?" He did a National History Day project on the bombing of Hiroshima and Nagasaki and is interested in the topic. I outlined the situation and asked his opinion. He replied, "They're stalling." I asked him to explain. He said, "It's like in wrestling when I'm up big on a stronger kid late in the match. As long as I don't do something dumb and get pinned, I'm gonna win. So I stall. That's what they are doing."

And there you have it devoted readers... wisdom from the mouths of babes. (Please no one tell him I referred to him as a "babe"!) The question I have is that if a 12 year old (albeit geopolitically brilliant one like his old man) can figure it out, why can't the president backed by the "genius" of the State Department? I know you lefties out there have changed your mantra of "Give Peace a Chance!" from the '60s to "Give Sanctions a Chance!" today. Just one question: When have sanctions worked? EVER? Hmmmmmmmmm?

Which can only leave us with one of two conclusions:

The President and his advisers are idiots.
They have some reason to help Iran stall an attack from Israel until they have a working atomic bomb.

Either of these possibilities scares the peewaden out of me. Here's to hoping the following video is an analogy for what Israel is about to do to Iran. The big kid (Israel) restrains himself for fear of getting in trouble with the teachers (US, Europe, Russia, et. al.). The little a**hole kid (Iran) keeps picking on the big kid (Israel) "knowing" he won't fight back. Enjoy viewing the results.

Hopefully the "cut the crap" wisdom of kids will trump the politically correct stupidity of adults.

Monday Musings With The Crew

2012-02-20T09:07:00.000-06:00

If you follow sports at all, you have seen the story of Jeremy Lin. The Asian-American point guard sensation came from nowhere to lead the New York Knicks to a 7 game winning streak. The streak came to an end in a home loss to the New Orleans Hornets Friday night, in part due to Lin's 9 turnovers. Here is a screen shot from ESPN.com after the game:

That's right, ESPN's headline after the loss by the Knicks was "Chink in The Armor". Very nice. ESPN has fired the employee responsible for the headline, as well as suspending on-air commentator Max Bretos, who used the same phrase in a discussion of Lin.

Time to give credit where credit is due. Supermodel Cindy Crawford has decided to end her 10 year old daughter's budding modeling career, saying "at this point she's too young to pursue a career...". Kaia Crawford's Versace ad did generate some criticism, including in a recent Monday Musings. Not only are Cindy's parenting instincts on target, her political ones are as well. After supporting Barack Obama in 2008, Crawford has gone on record as having switched party affiliations to the GOP and has endorsed Mitt Romney in the Republican primary.

Not to be outdone by Ms. Crawford.....Sir Paul McCartney revealed in a recent Rolling Stone interview that he has given up smoking pot at age 69 in order to be a better example for his 8 year old daughter. McCartney is quoted as saying "When you're bringing up a youngster, your sense of responsibility does kick in, if you're lucky, at some point" Gee Paul, ya think?

Interesting political tidbit from Germany last week. German President Christian Wulff resigned on Friday, after being embroiled in a series of scandals. Included in those were charges that Wulff's frequent holidays were paid for by businessmen, that he had received favorable loans because of his position, and that he had criticized media outlets that were reporting on his actions. Hmmm, does that sound familiar to anybody else?

Lavish vacations paid for by others.....check
Favorable loan terms unavailable to others.....check
Attacking media that criticizes his actions....check

Oh yeah, now I remember.....this guy does that kind of stuff all the time

New Jersey Governor Chris Christie ordered flags throughout the state flown at half-staff this weekend during Whitney Houston's funeral service. There are many things I love about Chris Christie. This was not one of them. In a related story, a cocaine addict was found dead from overdose in a Newark alleyway over the weekend. The B-2 flyover is scheduled for tomorrow.

Hollywood HOs Winner: Nicki Minaj

2012-02-17T10:44:00.001-06:00

Hollywood HOs

This week's Hollywood HOs (Hall of Shame) winner was a slam dunk! Even though Gwyneth Paltrow still takes baths with her 5 and 7 year old children, I knew on Monday there could only be one winner this week. Nicki Minaj. Before I go any further, let's take a look at just one of the images from her Grammy "performance".

Nicki Minaj or Maxine Waters?

Ms. Minaj's night at the Grammys included being escorted by the Pope, dancing priests, levitation, and an exorcism. (Maybe Maxine Waters confused the GOP with the Grammys.) The Catholic church, which has had a really rough couple of weeks, was understandably not amused. I was only able to watch snippets of her performance in attempt to keep my revulsion level down and will not post the video on my blog. If you wish to see it for yourself, you can view the video on John Nolte's blog post on Big Hollywood here.

My guess is that Ms. Minaj felt slighted at being upstaged by MIA at the Super Bowl so she decided to ratchet up her level of outrageous for the Grammys. I have the perfect idea for her! Nicki, if you really are a brave, independent, creative, outrageous performer, let's take it to the next level. Perform this piece next year at the Grammys and I can promise that you will have publicity, exposure, and notoriety like you have never known.

You are escorted in by Muhammad... with a fuse hanging out of his turban.... and eating a bacon, lettuce, and tomato sandwich.
As he leads you to your seat, you reward him with a painting of him and dogs playing poker.
You perform your new single "Mecca Meltdown" surrounded by 72 dancers in white burqas.

At the end of the song, the dancers rip off the burqas and they're not women, they are gay men.

You lead Muhammad onto the stage to be carried off on the shoulders of the dancers.

I'm sure that Hollywood, the television networks, and the music industry will rally in support of your brave genius.

Democrats Looking to Exorcise The Demons of the GOP

2012-02-16T11:16:00.002-06:00

Maxine could use a spa day!

Was there some nationwide screening of the Exorcist for liberals that I don't know about? Everywhere I look today, some progressive whackitron is making references to casting out the demons and evil spirits that are the Republicans.

First up is Clarence B. Jones, with a column at The Huffington Post titled..."Demonizing Obama and the Politics of Morality". Read it here if you are done eating. Obviously Clarence, the left would never stoop so low as to "demonize" a political opponent, right? Uh, not so fast pea-soup breath!

Next is SACSTW favorite Maxine Waters. Speaking to California Democrats, the lovely, reasoned, and well balanced Rep.Waters (D-Ca) had this to say on the topic of Satan's minions....

Shockingly, no mention of a member of Congress referring to other members as "demons" made its way onto the websites of ABC news, CNN, MSNBC, or CBC. The Huffington Post did obliquely mention the story, but only in a hit piece on Fox News anchor Eric Bolling, who advised Waters to "step away from the crack pipe". Not only did the kind and gentle Rep. Waters call 2 GOP leaders "demons", she went on to characterize them as "legislators who are destroying this country rather than bringing us together". There's an old saying about a pot and a kettle that would be appropriate here, but I don't dare use it as it also contains the word "black".

Actually, part of what Maxine spewed is correct.....this conservative doesn't want to "come together" with Mad Maxine.....short pause while the cold chill finishes traversing my spine...., I want Maxine and her gang of haters to go away, and never foul the stage of government again. Conservatives need to be trying to defeat and vanquish, not compromise with people who want to "transform" America.

Finally there is this question.....how does a Republican presidential candidate know when the liberal establishment is worried about him? Answer: When the Huffington Post runs this photo as the lead on their Politics page......

Creepy lighting....check

Gnarled claws for hands....check

Mouth open in mid-satanic chant....check

Name that kind of sounds like some religious thingy....check

Thank goodness the liberal establishment would never seek to demonize conservatives!

Edict from the Sandwich Nazi: Mandatory Lunch Inspections!

2012-02-15T09:24:00.001-06:00

Ministry of Plenty
Department of Healthy Food Initiatives

EDICT----EDICT----EDICT----EDICT

Press release - MOPDOHFI - 15 February 2012

The Ministry of Plenty Department of Healthy Food Initiatives has decreed that all school lunches brought from home must be inspected for mandatory nutrition levels and to insure that no seditious notes from parents disparaging our Dear Leader Obama are included.

Reports of little girls bringing turkey and cheese sandwiches, bananas, chips, and fruit juice for lunch can no longer be tolerated. Food Czar Sam Kass (formerly titled Sandwich Nazi, but they ran into copyright issues with Seinfeld) states, "The government must ensure that every little girl is fed, by force if necessary, food we deem to be nutritious regardless of parental wishes. It is crucial that every little girl grows up healthy so that she can make the correct decision later in life to abort unwanted children because it is not the government's role to tell women what they should do with their bodies."

Lunches not meeting governmental standards will be discarded and will be replaced meals specially selected by Dear Leader Obama's wife. Only children whose parents are money-grubbing capitalist swine will be charged for these lunches.

Failure to comply with this edict will result in a compulsory invitation to one of Minister Holder's reeducation camps. As it is written, so mote it be.

Reminder: We have always been at war with Eastasia

You can view the article that prompted this edict here.

2012-02-14T11:36:00.003-06:00

Stanley and Dear Leader in happier times.............

Cavernous Trachea: New Obama Letter to Karl Marx

2012-02-14T10:37:00.000-06:00

During my routine vehicle check for tracking and listening devices as I was leaving the SACSTW secret underground command bunker yesterday, I saw an object sitting on the driver's seat. I had the SACSTW Robotics lab bring up the bomb robot to check it out. Once the bomb analysis proved negative, the Crew and I examined the object. It was a book with a note attached and several hand-written sheets of paper inside. The note simply said, "Another letter from Obama to his hero Karl Marx. Enjoy! Your friend, Cavernous Trachea." So devoted readers, we submit for your reading pleasure President Obama's most recent missive to his hero Karl Marx.

"Dear Karl,
The doctors are making me write to you again. Apparently, they feel I had another 'episode'. So while I am waiting for my latest B12 shot to kick in (I'm really starting to like them), they asked me to write you another letter.

Everyone is REALLY overreacting this time. It was just a simple misunderstanding. With Herman Cain out of the game, I figured I would co-opt his 999 tax plan as my own. As you know from my last letter, Mr. Teleprompter has really been letting me down lately. So to help me remember the numbers, I had 999 tattooed on my wrist. All I have to do is pull up my sleeve a little and sneak a peak when I need one.

Well Karl, that brings us to today. It was too cold to play golf so me and my buds went down to the DC CYO to shoot a little hoop. (For some reason everyone down there was giving me dirty looks.) After the game, the priest who runs the place wanted to have a few words with me. Something about contraceptives blah, blah, blah, freedom of religion blah, blah, blah. So he looks down at my wrist and starts freaking out. Before the Secret Service agents can react, he pulls a bottle out of his pocket and throws some sort of liquid on me. I don't care what anyone says! I did NOT writhe on the ground screaming 'It burns! It burns!" I simply slipped on the 'holy' water (I don't believe the lab results, I think it was some kind of acid.) and twisted my ankle. I was calmly telling everyone "It turned. It turned."

Karl, why are the Catholics getting so worked up about everything? Heck, you said religion is the opium of the people. I thought they'd be so doped up that they wouldn't notice my little end-around the constitution. Even Joe and the Notre Dame administration weren't with me on that one. Don't they understand that I know what's best for them? Ingrates...

I just feel so alone. I know the republicans hate my guts, but Harry Reid won't even bring my new budget to a vote. All it takes is a simple majority to pass and the republicans can't filibuster it. Besides, I worked really really hard on it.

I guess I still have my friends at Media Matters. I got the idea for our weekly strategy sessions from LBJ and McNamara during Viet Nam. I can count on them to get my message out correctly to the major news outlets. I've given up on Fox though, I don't think they'll ever come around. Maybe I can get Murdoch deported...

I'll always have you Karl, and of course Stanley*. He should be around soon for our evening ride on the South Lawn. I will be better. I promise to try and maintain my composure even when Joe provokes me. I can't believe he didn't think it was funny when I switched his Bible for the Koran before the prayer breakfast. There's Stanley now. Have to go.

Your devoted friend,
Barry"

After reading Obama's latest letter, the Crew asked, "Check out the book! Maybe it has more clues as to Cavernous Trachea's identity." At this point I noticed the title, "Plagiarism for Dummies", hmmmmmmm.

*Stanley is President Obama's pet unicorn.

Breaking News: Def Leppard Saves Social Security!

2012-02-14T07:39:00.000-06:00

In the immortal words of Joe Elliott...."it's better to burn out, ...then fade away"

Monday Musings With The Crew

2012-02-13T10:08:00.000-06:00

The most important thing we learned during last week's contraceptive kerfluffle is that the Obama Administration, like SACSTW, is in possession of a time machine. Dear Leader fired that sucker up last week and gave us all a glimpse of what government healthcare will look like in our near future. Federal interventionism is going to reach stratospheric new heights under Obamacare, and forcing religious entities to violate their own tenets is just the beginning. Who knows, maybe even as we speak Obama is making plans to force mosques in America to serve pulled pork sandwiches on plates emblazoned with a likeness of Muhammad. Yeah, probably not.

For all of us Star Trek fans out there, one of the great mysteries of life is how super-villain Khan rose to power on Earth. You know, before he was banished to Ceti Alpha V by Captain Kirk.......

Well, now we know. Khan got his start as Barack Obama's Health and Human Services Secretary...

Huh, I thought a Prince of the Eugenics Wars would be taller.

Oklahoma State Senate bill 1433 seeks to define human life as beginning at the moment of conception. Predictably, this has pro-abortion progressives all abuzz.. An article by Jessica Pieklo at www.care2.com said this...."Like all other personhood measures, this one would afford that homeless cluster of cells full and equal rights under the law". The Crew would humbly ask Ms. (i'm guessing) Pieklo exactly when that "homeless cluster of cells" becomes human life in her learned opinion. The best part of this story is a proposed amendment to 1433. Known as the "Every Sperm is Sacred" amendment, it reads "Any action in which a man ejaculates or otherwise deposits semen anywhere but in a women's vagina shall be construed as an action against an unborn child". The amendment was proposed by pro-abortion Democratic State Senator Constance......(wait for it)........Johnson! Look people, I can not make this stuff up. Fortunately, the Johnson amendment was prematurely withdrawn before further action was needed. I'm sure all the voters of Oklahoma are so proud.

Of course the big news over the weekend was the death of Whitney Houston at 48 years of age. A monumental talent, Houston's life was derailed by a long history of poor decisions. Her death is an opportunity for parents to teach their children the consequences of bad decisions, and of surrounding yourself with those that make bad decisions. Rather than dwell on the sordid circumstances surrounding Houston's demise, I'd rather just leave you with this memory of her finest moment.....

Hollywood HOs Weekly Winner: George Lucas

2012-02-10T11:58:00.001-06:00

Hollywood HOs

It is with heavy heart that I must award this week's Hollywood HOs winner. This week's winner is *sob* George Lucas. I was 12 when Star Wars was released. I must have went to see it a dozen times. I loved George Lucas. For years I have defended him through thick and Jar Jar Binks, but today he is dead to me.

In a recent interview with the Hollywood Reporter, George Lucas told the interviewer *sigh*,

"It had been done in all close-ups and it was confusing about who did what to whom. I put a little wider shot in there that made it clear that Greedo is the one who shot first "

There you have it ladies and gentlemen! In deference to political correctness, the great George Lucas LIED! Below is the photographic evidence: HAN SHOT FIRST!

Han Shot First!

I may have to burn my Darth Vader footie PJs....

Make sure that you check out the links in the comment below by Paul J. They will set you straight!

Young, Wild, and Naked: A Deadly Threat!

2012-02-09T11:29:00.000-06:00

Hello devoted readers! I know that you clicked on the link to this blog post to see naked, ax-wielding supermodels, or because you were thinking "What did Morgan Freeman do now?" Here you go. Sort of... (Sorry, this blog safe viewing for everyone but liberals.)

Beautiful and Deadly! (not)

Titillating and scary sells. How else could we have such venerable Hollywood classics like "Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers"? So if I had titled this post "The Hidden Dangers of Federal Regulation", would you have clicked on it? I know I wouldn't have. It would have met with a yawn and a "Pass!"

Americans suck at evaluating risk. You are three times more likely to die from tipping over a vending machine than from a shark attack, but I must have missed the "When Snacks Attack!" special on the Discovery channel during Vending Machine Week

Here is a picture of something a million times deadlier than the attractive young lady above. If your children are near, shield their eyes.

Code of Federal Regulations Books: Boring and Deadly (VERY)

New federal laws are the sexy ax-wielding Victoria's Secrets models riding a shark. Federal regulation is the vending machine tipping over on you after you've had a heart attack from high blood pressure. Let me illustrate with an example currently in the news.

There's a relatively new law of which you may have heard. We lovingly refer to it as Obamacare. It was the cause of much brouhaha and ballyhoo. What you may not know is that it is packed with HIPAA regulations that will cost billions to implement. These are not part of the obese monstrosity that is already the law. These are "add-ons". These regulations get ZERO press. New regulations, departmental "guidelines", and level of enforcement are everything. With the right regs and enforcement, you can make just about any law mean anything you want.

Recently however; the Obama administration has inexplicably tipped its hand. Feeling 50 foot tall and bullet-proof because they hadn't been previously taken to task, they decided they were up to tangling with the Catholic Church. Obamacare forces employer provided healthcare plans to include contraceptive coverage as part of those plans. As per Obama administration instructions to HHS, the scope of religious exemptions is to be very narrow and enforcement to be vigilant. Needless to say, Catholics around the country (including Obama supporters) are not amused.

The moral of this tale dear readers, is that elections matter. Who the president is matters. Not in the sexy veto, state-of-the-union, commander-in-chief sort of way, but in the boring departmental and lower-court appointee way. Obama must go! If Mr. BoTingles Chris Matthews thinks the president has gone to far, then WOW!

H/T Laughing Conservative

Obama and Ginsburg: Founding Fathers? Hacks!

2012-02-08T13:45:00.001-06:00

'The Forgotten Man' by Jon McNaughton . Buy the print HERE!

Ruth Buzzi Ginsburg

Editor's note: This post is a little longer than most, but trust me, the payoff at the end is worth it! :)

I admit it. I have a colossal man-crush on the U.S. Constitution. To think that our Founders crafted a document that has withstood liberal progressive onslaught for over 220 years is simply awe-inspiring. To this American, the Constitution is our nation's most precious commodity, our greatest contribution to humanity. It is a shining beacon of freedom, giving hope to the oppressed all across the globe that like the Founders, they too have a chance to shed the manacles of tyranny.

Unfortunately, not every American feels this way. Even more unfortunately, two of those are President Barack Hussein Obama and Supreme Court Justice Ruth Buzzi Ginsburg.

I do have to give Dear Leader points for openly admitting his contempt and scorn for the Constitution during his recent interview with NBC's Matt Lauer. Keep in mind, these words were spoken by a man who swore an oath to "preserve, protect, and defend the Constitution of the United States. Sayeth Obama....

What's frustrated people is that I have not been able to FORCE (emphasis mine) Congress to implement every aspect of what I said in 2008. Well, you know, it turns out our Founders designed a system that makes it more difficult to bring about change than I would like sometimes.

There is is folks, everything you need to know about Barack Hussein Obama, distilled down into 48 of his own despicable words. Freedom loving Americans should be very thankful that the Founders designed the system that they did. More than 200 years ago, they could foresee a tyrant want-to-be gaining the highest office in the land, and they knew what to do about that possibility. Just more evidence of the true agenda of Barack Hussein Obama, and of the brilliant foresight of the men in that Philadelphia room during the summer of 1787.

At least we can be comforted that the Supreme Court of the United States stands ready to "support and defend" our Constitution, as their oath of office requires. Yeah, maybe not so much. Justice Buzzi Ginsburg was interviewed on Egyptian TV recently. The reporter asked her where Egypt's leaders should turn for guidance in crafting the structure and foundation of a new Egyptian government. You might think this was a slam-dunk question for a SCOTUS justice, you would be wrong. Sayeth Buzzi Ginsburg....

I would not look to the U.S. Constitution if I were drafting a constitution in the year 2012. I might look at the constitution of South Africa. That was a deliberate attempt to have a fundamental instrument of government that embraced basic human rights, had an independent judiciary, it really is, I think, a great piece of work that was done.

Now, doesn't that give you a warm, fuzzy feeling that Justice Ginsburg is using the U.S. Constitution as her guiding force when ruling from the bench of the highest court in the land? Me neither. Being the dutiful blogger I am, I read the constitution of South Africa, and encourage you to do the same here. It's a hoot! Be forewarned, the document is a lengthy and verbose thesis on the theory and application of liberal statism. I particularly liked its Bill of Rights, which outlines the cradle to grave governmental dependency that liberal whackjobs like Ruth Buzzi Ginsburg can really revel in. It also every now and then sounds like it was written by an 9 year old girl. For example, I give you section 9, subsections 3 through 5.....

(3) The state may not unfairly discriminate directly or indirectly against anyone on one or more grounds, including race, gender, sex, pregnancy, marital status, ethnic or social origin, colour, sexual orientation, age, disability, religion, conscience, belief, culture, language and birth.

(4) No person may unfairly discriminate directly or indirectly against anyone on one or more grounds in terms of subsection (3). National legislation must be enacted to prevent or prohibit unfair discrimination.

And now the punchline.....

(5) Discrimination on one or more of the grounds listed in subsection (3) is unfair unless it is established that the discrimination is fair.

That's just one example of the lunacy that Justice Ruth Buzzi Ginsburg sees as "a great piece of work" that is superior and more desirable than the United States Constitution. As for Justice Ginsburg herself, she hasn't done a great piece of work since this.......

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Death to Great Satans Bart and Barbie!

2012-02-07T07:51:00.001-06:00

The Great Satan!

The Not-So-Great Satan!

The United States and Israel move over! Your reigns of satanhood are over. The Killer Bs have dethroned you. Bart and Barbie are haraam.

Mohammad Hossein Farjoo

The delightfully monikered Mohammad Hossein Farjoo (I can only assume the surname Farjoo is derived from his desired proximity to people of the Hebrew persuasion...) has declared both Bart Simpson and Barbie VERBOTTEN! Mr. Farjoo's full title is "Secretary for Policy-making at the Institute for the Intellectual Development of Children and Young Adults in Tehran" or Burgerneister Meisterburger for short. BM Farjoo has proclaimed that Barbie and Bart are "illegal, unmoral, unlawful, and anyone found with a toy in his possession will be placed under arrest and thrown in the dungeon. No kidding!" The children of Sombertown... errr Tehran will have to really, REALLY want a Bart or Barbie toy for Ramadan.

But not to worry, BM Farjoo says that all-American action heroes are still welcome in Iran. His institute specifically plans on ordering 50,000 David Duke action figures for 2012! *Burning crosses and stars of David sold separately. I might be going out on a limb here, but I would think that the children of Iran would like to quote Bart and tell BM Farjoo to "Eat My Shorts!"

You can read more about Burgermeister Meisterburger Farjoo here.

Chuck Norris Speaks, Everyone Listens

2012-02-06T14:54:00.001-06:00

As you know, we here at SACSTW are in favor of the "Chuck" presidential ticket....of course that means Woolery/Norris. Read this article for more words of wisdom from the great Chuck Norris.

Monday Musings With The Crew

2012-02-06T10:08:00.001-06:00

Tomorrow, my home state of Missouri will hold a presidential primary that means less than nothing. No delegates will be won, Newt Gingrich is not on the ballot, and John Hunstman, Herman Cain, Rick Perry, and Michele Bachman are on the ballot. Oh, and did I mention that the state is expected to spend about seven million dollars of OPM on the meaningless beauty contest? Missouri's GOP delegates will actually be won and lost during the county by county caucus scheduled for March 17th. That's right, the Missouri Republican Party is choosing its delegates on St. Patrick's Day, the day when more beer is consumed in Kansas City and St. Louis than on any other day of the year. I fully expect most of the GOP delegates to be won by this guy.....

Mmmmm....taxpayer money is magically delicious!

Vice-President Joe Biden recently said that he advised President Obama against the raid that ended with the capture/killing of Osama bin Laden. At the time it seemed like an odd admission of discord within the White House. Yeah, not exactly. Remember that EVERYTHING that comes from the Obama administration is aimed at boosting Dear Leader's re-election hopes. By saying what he did, Biden makes Obama look like the decisive, strong national defense executive that we all know he isn't. "Why lookie here uninformed voter, Dear Leader was willing to even go against his own Veep (who is supposed to be the national security expert in the administration) to bring down Osama" "Such gallantry, such grit and courage, why we had to talk Barack out of leading the mission himself!" Sorry Joe, SACSTW ain't buying it.

Want to know the difference between conservatives and liberal statists like Dear Leader? Obama and his philosophical brethren define success by how many Americans are dependent on governmental largesse (OPM) for their daily lives. Conservatives define success by how many no longer need such support. Dear Leader likes to talk about how his policies have helped poor people stay afloat, and helped those in the middle class stay in the middle class. He NEVER mentions helping poor people become......NOT POOR! He NEVER mentions middle class Americans moving up the socio-economic scales. He knows that government is not the tool that can get that done. May I suggest a new slogan for the Democratic Party...."Keeping America's Poor In Their Place For 100 Years"

Tom Coughlin has now won 2 Super Bowls in the last 4 seasons. Think the Jacksonville Jaguars would like to have him back? By the way, does anyone remember when Super Bowl commercials were funny and entertaining? The state of affairs in the U.S. advertising industry is sad indeed.

Taking a page from the Elvis Grbac handbook.....Gisele issued this post-Super Bowl analysis of hubby Tom Brady's performance. "My husband can not f***ing throw the ball and catch the ball at the same time." For thinking that anyone cares what she says about football, Mrs. Brady gets my nomination for Hollywood HOs of the the week.

It's been a few weeks since we all enjoyed a nice swimming goat video, so...............

Note to readers- If crazy goat lady invites you over for a pool party, don't eat the chocolate-covered raisins.

Weekly Hollywood HOs Winner: Morgan Freeman

2012-02-03T07:41:00.001-06:00

Hollywood HOs

Weekly Winner: Morgan Freeman

We have several deserving nominees for this week's Hollywood HOs (Hall of Shame) winner. We have Miley Cyrus attempting to join former pantheon of skankhood laureates Madonna, Britney Spears, and Paris Hilton. We have parent of the year nominee, Cindy Crawford, ushering her 10 year old daughter into a life of eating disorders, pedophiles, narcissism, and addiction.

But this week's winner is a dual award winner. Not only has Morgan Freeman won this week's Hollywood HOs award, he has also won the coveted Woody Allen Creepy Patriarch Lifetime Achievement award. Mr. Freeman has apparently either married or intends to marry his, get ready for it... GRANDDAUGHTER

OK, she is only his "step" granddaughter, but EWWWWWWW! In general, I feel that the use of "EWWWWWWW!" is unmanly in the extreme, but nothing else quite suffices. My first memories of Morgan are of him on the children's show The Electric Company in the 70's. Considering media reports that he has married, intends to marry, or in the very least is having a relationship with a woman 45 years his junior that began when she was 17, again I say EWWWWWWW!

My 12 year old son just walked by as I was writing this post and saw the picture of Morgan Freeman, but not the text. He asked, "Is that Morgan Freeman?" I said, "Yes." He asked, "How old is he?" I said, "74." He asked, "Is he still doing stuff?" I nodded and as he walked away I said softly, "Apparently."

*Editor's note: At times, we take some creative liberties in our stories. The preceding paragraph is a 100% factual account of my conversation with my son.

Short-Circuiting The Chevy Volt

2012-02-02T13:06:00.002-06:00

Look, I'm as much in favor of clean renewable energy sources as the next person (unless the next person is Ed Begley, Jr.). As a matter of fact, I would love to see the United States produce its electricity from nuclear power, for Gaia's sake France gets almost all of her electricity that way! But you greenbeans don't like that either. No, you want us all to be toodling around town in a coal-fired abomination from Obama Motors.

Isn't it time to pull the plug on the Chevy Volt? Sales of the enviro-moonbat darling plummeted from 1529 in December of 2011 to 603 this past month. 603! Compare that to the Ford Focus (14,400 sold in January), Toyota Corolla (17,988 sold in January), and Honda Civic (21,883 sold in January). For crying out loud, the Kia Soul had sales of 8,093, and that is a vehicle whose national spokesman is a dancing hamster! That is the marketplace speaking loud and clear. SACSTW has conducted a painstaking review of the Chevy Volt, and has discovered the real reason behind its poor sales figures. It sucks.

Eric Bolling of Fox News came to the same conclusion after recently driving a Volt. He appeared on Fox and Friends this morning to talk about the experience. Bolling has been critical of the Volt, and of Government Motors in general. GM asked him to drive a Volt to experience the car firsthand. According to Bolling, he got about 20-25 miles on a full charge before the car switched over to its gasoline powerplant. GM claims a 40 mile range on full electric power. The Volt gets about 35 mpg burning gas and sports a 9.3 gallon gas tank. If we do the math, we can see that a Volt can travel about 350 miles on a full electric charge PLUS a full tank of gas (Premium by the way!). That leaves us with an effective gas mileage of 37.6 mpg. Not bad right?

It's not too bad until you factor in the Volt's sticker price of $40-45,000. Holy fossil fuel Batman, that is a big number! Let's again compare to the other vehicles I listed above

Toyota Corolla: Gets approximately 30 mpg burning regular gasoline (7.5% cheaper than premium) and starts around a sticker of $18,000.
Ford Focus: Gets around 31 mpg burning regular gasoline and starts at around $17,295
Honda Civic: Gets around 32 mpg burning regular gasoline and starts at around $22,000.

I can hear the greenbeans chirping now.... "Crew, those 25 (or 40 if you believe GM) miles driven under full electric power are so much better for Mother Earth, Americans should be willing to pay any price to save our planet!" SACSTW sent our investigative photographers out and they were able to capture this image of where the Volt's electric power actually comes from.....

That's right bunny-hugger, the vast majority of the electron flow you are so gleefully pouring into your Volt comes from the burning of coal. So go ahead and take that Volt out for its 25 mile jaunt around town, we'll just throw another shovel full of fossil fuel on the fire for ya!

Chuck Woolery: The US is NOT a Democracy

2012-02-01T12:14:00.000-06:00

This has been a pet peeve of mine for years; idiot politicians who should know better calling the United States of America a democracy. Maybe they are just pandering to us because they think we are too stupid to understand, but we are not a democracy. We are a representative republic. SACSTW hero Chuck Woolery does a fantastic job of explaining it. We hope you enjoy the video as much as we did.

Thank you great American Chuck Woolery for the wonderful civics lesson!

Dear Karl: Obama Letters to Karl Marx

2012-01-31T07:46:00.001-06:00

As the Crew and I were leaving the SACSTW secret underground command bunker one recent afternoon, we heard a slight scuffling noise behind us. With cat-like reflexes we spun and drew down on a shadowy figure lingering behind a tree. In an obviously digitally altered voice he/she said, “You have nothing to fear from me. In fact, I have something that might interest you greatly.” At this point, the figure tossed a bundle of what appeared to be papers at our feet. “What’s that?” The Crew Asked. “Letters. Letters from Obama to his hero” the figure replied. “Who’s his hero?” I asked. “Just read the letters. They explain everything.” As the figure disappeared in the fog I yelled after him/her, “Who are you?” The figure replied, “Just call me… Cavernous Trachea” and he/she was gone.

The Crew and I quickly repaired to the command center to read the letters. This is the first one:

“Dear Karl,
I don’t know why I’m writing you. This seems silly. The doctors are totally over-reacting to my little ‘episode’. I mean everybody needs to blow off steam once in a while right? Running naked though the West Wing screaming, “Spiders! Spiders are eating my brain!” was just my way of blowing off steam. And I really wasn’t going to impale Joe Biden on that fireplace poker. I was just messing with him. Nobody can take a joke around here.

So I guess writing you is supposed to be a more ‘reasonable’ way to deal with my frustrations. They told me to write a letter to my biggest hero and most influential person in my life. You were my first and only choice. So Karl, help me out here. Everyone’s against me. Moochelle (she almost caught me calling her that) has been on a spending spree that would make Paris Hilton jealous, Reggie abandoned me, the republicans are catching on to my tricks, and I think my new Mao Zedong tat is infected. I can’t put any weight on my left cheek at all. Everyone around me is bummed too. Even my best buddy, Mr. Teleprompter, is off his game. Last week in my state of the union address, he just kept repeating the same exact lines from his… I mean my old speeches. And the worst thing… no one in my entire administration can think of a single new euphemism for taxes. We’ve used them all up. Darn that vast right-wing conspiracy for trying to wake the chumps… I mean people, up.

You know what Karl? I think the doctors were right. I do feel better! I’m sure it has nothing to do with that shot they gave me about 20 minutes ago. They told me it was just a B12 booster for energy. Oh well, I better go. Stanley, my pet unicorn, just came into my bedroom. It’s time for our ride on the South Lawn.
I’ll write you again soon!

Your friend,
Barry”

After reading the letter, The Crew and I went outside to where we had seen the shadowy figure to look for clues as to his/her identity. The leaves and brush were disturbed where the figure had been standing, but we saw nothing else. As we were walking away, The Crew exclaimed, “Hey! What’s that?” He picked up what looked like piece of scrap paper. On closer inspection we discovered it was a receipt:

Agent Provocateur

133 Mercer St.

New York, NY 10012

$47,356.78

Hmmmmm….

*Editor's note: Another great idea brought to you by SACSTW creative consultant Brian Holyfield - @Holyfield67

Monday Musings With The Crew

2012-01-30T08:18:00.000-06:00

Why did the University of Kansas hire the transgender child of Sonny and Cher to coach their football team? What, was Renee Richards unavailable?

Newt, I'm trying really hard to support you in the GOP primary. I love your knowledge of history, your ability to pick apart the foibles and fallacies of the Obama administration, and your ability to rise from the electoral dead. What I don't love is when you criticize Mitt Romney on his wealth, his Swiss/Cayman Island bank accounts, his tax returns, blah blah blah. That is a page right out of the "Class Warfare" chapter of the secular progressive handbook. Very unbecoming for one who purports to be the "conservative" candidate in the GOP field. You can be better than that.

The Crew would like to nominate Miley Cyrus as a candidate for this week's Hollywood HOs award. Photographed making "lingual" advances to her boyfriend's phallic shaped birthday cake last week, Miley has certainly come a long way! Gee, who would have guessed that Hannah Montana would turn out to be a ridiculous skank? Uh, maybe everybody who saw this performance the 16 yr old Cyrus put on at the 2009 Teen Choice Awards:

Hmmm, daughter working the pole at age 16... nice work Billy Ray

Continuing the theme, supermodel Cindy Crawford's daughter made her modeling debut for Versace this week, appearing in an ad for Young Versace, a clothing line aimed at children 12 and under and pedophiles. Here is Kaia Crawford in the ad:

Now Crew, you are saying.... the leather jacket, miniskirt, and loads of makeup are all a bit much for a teenage girl, but it's nothing obscene. Well, technically you are right. Oh, did I mention that Kaia Crawford is TEN years old? Consider Mama Cindy up for a Hollywood HOs as well.

I (Sahib) needed to make an addition to the Crew's Monday Musings. We just couldn't leave this story out. A young man, 6, in California was suspended and charged with sexual assault for playing tag. Check out the Fox News video. A seventeen year old snowball thrower is in trouble as well. I guess snowballs are now officially classified as missiles.

Funniest Movie Decade Ever-The '80's: Where have all the funnymen gone?

2012-01-25T11:08:00.000-06:00

Funniest Movie Decade Ever!

I’ll leave the dissection of our Dear Leader’s state-of-the-unionaddress last night to the other bloggers and pundits. With the academy award nominations going outthis week, I have another more important topic to discuss.

Were have all the funnymen gone? I guess they are still stuck in the ‘80s. While some have argued that the ‘80s was the worst decade ever for music and fashion, there is no doubt that itwas the funniest decade for movies, ever! There is one outlier year* but I will get to that later. I know lists like this are very subjectiveand open to significant debate, but let’s take a look at the ‘80s together:

Airplane, Caddyshack, A Christmas Story, Vacation, The BluesBrothers, Trading Places, 48 Hours, Beverly Hills Cop, Coming to America,Ghostbusters, Back to the Future, Planes, Trains and Automobiles, Stripes, Ferris Bueller’s DayOff, History of the World: Part I, Spaceballs, Major League, Fast Times atRidgemont High, The Naked Gun, Arthur, This is Spinal Tap, The Princess Bride, andRevenge of the Nerds

How can you argue with that list? What happened to these guys? Bill Murray, Dan Aykroyd, Eddie Murphy, SteveMartin, Billy Crystal, Chevy Chase… Iknow these guys are getting a little long in the tooth, but did they forget howto be funny? When was the last time oneof these guys did anything that even evoked a mild chuckle?

This is not to say that there haven’t been any funny moviesmade in the last 22 years, but true comedic classics are few and farbetween. The ones that spring to mindare: The Big Lebowski, There’s SomethingAbout Mary, Happy Gilmore, Anchorman, Wedding Crashers and Dodgeball. But what have Adam Sandler, Bill Stiller,Vince Vaughn, or Will Ferrell done recently that really made you laugh? For any of you who say yes, I present to youJack and Jill, The Little Fockers, The Dilema, and The Land of the Lost andsay, REALLY? Bridesmaids and TheHangover were funny, but I wouldn’t call them classics.

With the world ending this year, have we just run out offunny? When our Dear Leader, Joe Biden,Debbie Wasserman-Schultz, Nancy Pelosi, and Harry Reid make me laugh harderthan anyone in Hollywood, it is a sad state of affairs. Come on Mel… John… Ivan…, don’t you guys havejust a few more in you? Please?

*The outlier year is 1974 which gave us Holy Grail, BlazingSaddles, and Young Frankenstein. Leaveit to a few brits and a little Jewish guy to make three of my top five all-timefavorite comedies in one year.

1000 Days of Disgrace- The Harry Reid Senate

2012-01-24T07:19:00.000-06:00

April 29, 2009 was 1000 days ago. It was also the last time the U.S. Senate passed a budget. Under Democrat Harry Reid's (D-NV) leadership, the Senate has abdicated one of its primary responsibilities. What could be more important in these turbulent times than formulating, debating, and ultimately passing a budget for the national government? Of all the outrageous inadequacies of Reid's term as Majority Leader, this is the most egregious.

On May 24, 2011, the Democrat-controlled Senate voted down 4 different budget proposals, one each from Rep. Paul Ryan (R-Wisc), Rep. Pat Toomey (R-Pa), Sen. Rand Paul (R-Ky), and oh yeah, former Senator Barack Obama (D-Il). Dear Leader's budget proposal was narrowly defeated, 97-0. Surely with all this nay-saying, the Reid Senate has a plan of its own to guide the United States out of the current fiscal abyss. You'd think so wouldn't you? You'd be wrong. Reid and his merry band of Democrat slackers are more concerned with the political ramifications of the budgeting process than they are the effects of their rampant spending on the U.S. taxpayer.

Maybe 1000 days isn't enough time for the Senate to formulate and present its own budget plan. Just how long of a time is 1000 days? Well, 1000 days is.....

long enough for McDonalds to sell 9 billion lbs of french fries
long enough for the Washington Nationals to lose 202 baseball games
longer than the COMBINED marriages of :

Drew Barrymore and Tom Green
Jennifer Lopez and Chris Judd
Mario Lopez and Ali Landry
Britney Spears and Jason Alexander (no, not the Seinfeld guy)
Renee Zellweger and Kenny Chesney
Nicholas Cage and Lisa Marie Presley
Pamela Anderson and Kid Rock
Michelle Phillips and Dennis Hopper
Carmen Electra and Dennis Rodman
Kim Khardashian and Kris Humphries

and most importantly, long enough for the United States Government to spend 9.7 trillion dollars of Other People's Money. (that is $1,077 for every pound of french fries sold by McDonalds worldwide!)

I'd say it's time for the Reid Senate to get off its collective keister, and get back to the business of the people. Read more about this monumental failure of leadership at the most excellent Heritage Foundation blog, and talk more about it on the Sahib and the Crew Save the World Facebook page. See you there!

Monday Musings With The Crew

2012-01-23T07:42:00.000-06:00

Personally, I think Ken is fabulous!

Reports from the Associated Press last week indicated that Iran's "morality" police were cracking down on the sale of Barbie dolls, closing some toy stores that carried the Western icon on their shelves amid concerns that the statuesque blonde doll would cause great harm to the impressionable youth of Iran. Investigators from SACSTW's Tehran bureau are looking into reports that the Barbie dolls are being replaced by Michael Moore inaction figures. No mention is being made of Iran's morality police cracking down on state-sponsored incineration of innocent men, women, and children. At least they have their priorities straight. Interestingly, the AP reports don't mention Ken.....I'm just saying.

After whipping presumptive GOP nominee Mitt Romney by 12 points in South Carolina, Newt Gingrich's presidential bid has new life. During Thursday's debate, Newt adroitly fended off clumsy questioning about his ex-wife's inflammatory statements. Now I know that Newt is not the paragon of virtue conservatives would like him to be, but since when do scorned ex-wives automatically have bullet-proof credibility and unassailable integrity? I'll tell you when....when they are criticizing Republicans.

Super model Heidi Klum is divorcing Seal after 6 years of marriage, citing the ever popular irreconcilable differences. Pressed for details, Klum said "I was getting tired of having to throw raw fish to him at the dinner table every night. All he ever wants to do is lay around and balance balls on his nose".

Mr. Klum in better days

Last week's Youtube sensation was Winkelhimer, the painting squirrel. The furry Van Gogh is all the rage in his hometown of Jennings, LA. Rescued after a cat attack by Shyla Mouton, Winkelhimer has been painting ever since. His Facebook page has 534 fans as of this writing, only 530 more than the SACSTW page. Hint, hint SACSTW readers..... Here is a video of the rodent Rembrandt at work:

Memo to Ms. Mouton....Winkelhimer isn't painting, he is chewing on the end of the brush. Sorry to burst your bubble.

As I write this, Billy Cundiff of the Baltimore Ravens has missed a game-tying 32 yard field goal at the end of the AFC championship game, sending the New England Patriots to the Super Bowl. Never, never, never pin your post-season hopes on a kicker.

Please join Sahib and I on Facebook, and email your comments and criticisms to sacstw@gmail.com.

Pakistani Elmo, Funny Hats, Mush-brained Kids, and Defecation: Who could ask for more?

2012-01-20T11:26:00.000-06:00

Wow! What a fun fivemonths it has been! When The Crew and Istarted Sahib and Crew Save the World (SACSTW), we really had no definedexpectations other than sharing ridiculous things going on in the world andmaking each other laugh. We really hopeyou have enjoyed reading our posts and that we have made you laugh too. If you accidentally learned something, we aresorry. It wasn’t intentional.

This week has included a few milestones for us. We topped 6000 views on our blog, publishedour 100^th blog post, went over 300 followers on Twitter, sent morethan 5000 tweets, and created a SACSTW Facebook page. Modest accomplishments for many, but we areproud of them. More importantly, we haveinfiltrated Karl Rove’s secret lair, built a time machine, and assembled a teamof 100s of imaginary reporters, photographers, scientists, and confidentialinformants. So in honor of our myriadaccomplishments, we thought we would give you a blast from the past of ourfavorite posts.

The Crew favorites:

Sahib post ~ Raising a Nation of Mush-brained Wusses – This isone of my favorites as well. It wasremembering more than writing.

Crew post ~ Joint News Release- Ministries of Funny Hats and Indeterminate Spelling – I think Princess B had to be the big winner in thatcontest

Sahib favorites:

The Crew post ~ Jihad Me Elmo – Our new ambassador toPakistan…

Sahib post ~ Ich Bin Ein Defecator: New Rally Cries for the Occupy “Movement” – I got to quote (sort of) JFK and Blazing Saddles, and makefun of Alec Baldwin, Susan Sarandon, spoiled rich girls, and moonbat leftyprotestors. I slept the sleep of the righteousthat night.

We hope you enjoy our trip down memory-lane. Feel free to dig through our archives, there’slots of good stuff you might have missed. Make sure to click on the Facebook "Like" button to add our Facebook page to your profile, if Facebook is your thing.

O'Reilly Harpoons "Moby" Dick Harpootlian on MLK Day Hypocrisy

2012-01-18T21:52:00.006-06:00

Like Melville's Ahab, Bill O'Reilly buried a harpoon deep in the bloated belly of southern Democrats on his show that aired on Martin Luther King Day this week. As veteran SACSTW readers know, one of our favorite themes is skewering the hypocrisy of the left, and it has never been done better than Officer O'Reilly did on Monday evening.

Let's set the stage. As we all know, the GOP held a debate in South Carolina on MLK day. This caused great offense and consternation to Dick Harpootlian, the chairman of the South Carolina state Democratic Party. If the name sounds familiar, he is the guy who made these reasoned and thoughtful comments about the GOP primary season on Megan Kelly's show:

So, the chairman of the state Democratic Party of South Carolina isn't worried about offending vertically challenged voters because "I don't think they can reach the machine....". You know, the sensitivity and compassion of the left is striking. But I digress.

On Monday, Harpootlian made it clear that he thought by holding a debate on MLK day, the GOP was ignoring Dr. King's birthday, and showing its racism and disregard for the black voters in South Carolina. Officer O'Reilly asked (rather gently I might add) Moby Dick if he knew what happened on MLK day in 2008. After much stammering and dodging, Harpootlian grudgingly admitted that the Democratic Party held a Presidential debate on MLK day in 2008, sponsored by the Congressional Black Caucus. So, to review,
Democrats debating on MLK day GOOD, Republicans debating on MLK day RACIST and OFFENSIVE.

As I have mentioned before (referring to Mitt Romney in fact), the best way to evaulate these talking heads is to look for those little moments when they drop their guard (although I'm not sure Harpootlian has one) and say something that illuminates the dark recesses of their core philosophy. Harpootlian did just that when his conversation with O'Reilly turned to the presidential election of 1860. Incredibly, Moby Dick said that GOP candidates Rick Santorum and Newt Gingrich were injecting race into the 2012 election by referring to it as "the most important election since 1860".

What happened in the presidential election of 1860? Americans elected a Republican President who guided the nation through its most turbulent years, preserved the United States for future generations, and oh yeah, freed millions of blacks from the chains of slavery. Those are plain, simple facts that can not be disputed by anyone. Harpootlian's comment on the election of 1860...."We in the South have a little different version of what happened in 1860". Wow, even for the jaded and cynical Crew it was hard to believe he admitted that.
Behind those words lurks the dark and twisted soul of the Democrat Party.

I'm guessing that the South Carolina Democratic Party Chairman's "version" of what happened in 1860 goes something like this:

That damn cracker Lincoln came in and stole the election away from mah man John Breckinridge! Then he told us God-fearin Southerners that we couldn't keep those blacks (probably not the word he was thinking) in our fields anymore, and we ended up having to pick our own damn cotton!

Here is the video from the O'Reilly factor- see for yourself what the Democrat Party of South Carolina thinks:

USMC Yellow "Rain" of Terror Conspiracy Exposed!

2012-01-18T07:42:00.001-06:00

Once again the crack SACSTW undercover reporting staff has unearthed another conspiracy. The team that brought you Karl Rove: OWS Mastermind has discovered an Obama administration conspiracy to cover up what really happened with the USMC urination scandal. Many of you have seen the image below, but what you may not have seen is what crack SACSTW digital image forensic examiners discovered. The images that have been plastered all over the Internet have been digitally altered. Below is the digitally altered image of the marines.

Digitally Altered Image

Below is the original image. If you are a liberal, you may want to turn away. This will probably be more disturbing to you than the altered images.

Actual Image

This revelation poses a number of questions.

1. What are Obama campaign bumper stickers doing in Afghanistan?

2. Why were the marines urinating on them?

3. Why would the Obama administration want to cover this up?

Never fear devoted readers. Intrepid SACSTW reporters have the answers. The Obama campaign staff looking to take advantage of AG Holder's somewhat "flexible" interpretation of federal voter qualifications decided to blaze a new trail in the search for new Obama absentee voters. Thus it was decided to carpet bomb Afghanistan, Pakistan, and parts of Africa with Obama bumper stickers. This also answers the question as to why the administration would want to cover this up. It would be very embarrassing and potentially damaging to President Obama's reelection campaign if this came to light.

Why then, did the marines urinate on the Obama bumper stickers? The answer to this took a little more digging. Apparently, the marines saw the bumper stickers being air-dropped into Taliban controlled areas. Concerned that the Iranians or other Taliban sympathizers were air-dropping arms or supplies to the Taliban terrorists, the marines investigated.

After killing and/or driving off the Taliban forces, the marines discovered that the Taliban forces had been using the Obama bumper stickers as toilet paper. Frankly concerned with their condition, the marines decided to clean them to the best of their abilities. Water being in short supply and remembering that urine is sterile, they made use with what they had handy. Improvise, adapt, overcome! At least, that's their story... and they are sticking to it.

And that devoted readers, is the unvarnished truth. Or at least our interpretation of it. Be comforted by the fact that the entire SACSTW staff is dedicated to shining the light of truth on whatever the left is trying to conceal.

*Editor's note: Another masterful idea from crew member emeritus and creative consultant Brian Holyfield - @Holyfield67

You Cry Harder! North Korean Grief Reeducation

2012-01-17T08:02:00.001-06:00

SACSTW reporters have the latest scoop on our zany buddies from the east, North Korea. North Koreans just aren't sad enough! The North Koreans are such a happy-go-lucky group of peopleit is easy to imagine that they would have difficulty being somber. I mean they lead such easy lives of leisureand plenty. Fortunately, their latest and greatest Dear Leader has implemented a new system to assist them with proper levels of grieving.

Lachrymosity Level Enforcement Department

After numerous "criticism" sessions, it was decided that the fun-loving North Korean people really didn't know how to properly grieve. Thus, many of them received personal invitations to grieving reeducation camps. I mean look at these pictures... These people make jocularity a national pastime.

Kim Jong Il official concubines

(There wasn't this much sobbing over the deaths of JFK, MLK, Elvis, and Princess Diana combined!)

Grieving is a family activity in North Korea

After much deliberation, a new system has been implemented: The national Lachrymosity Level system of national mourning. To show the world that they are hip to new technology, the Lachrymosity Level system will use a series of emoticons to inform North Korean citizens of their proper level of misery. Below is the Lachrymosity Level (LL) matrix:

Lachrymosity Level	Emoticon	National Conditions	Expected Behavior
Orgasmic		Kim Jong Un celebrates a birthday, is cast as Odd Job in the “Goldfinger” remake, or has a successful bowel movement.	Uncontrollable joyous weeping, writhing on the ground, and rending of clothing.
Melancholy		Kim Jong Un is not mistaken as a beluga whale by Japanese trawlers while swimming.	Public expressions of mirth are expressly prohibited. Wistful smiles are allowed if meditating on the wonders of the Dear Leader.
Catatonic		Default national Lachrymosity Level	Feet must be shuffled and eyes must be downcast. Muffled sobbing is encouraged.
Lugubrious		Kim Jong Un has a hangnail, dies, or Obama loses the 2012 election.	Uncontrollable screaming, wailing, and rending of clothing. Every third citizen must commit seppuku.

Invitees of the grieving reeducation camps will receive LL emoticon flash-cards along with their copies of "North Korean Golf for Dummies - How to Score 38 under in your first round ever!" by Kim Jung Il. All other citizens will receive their LL emoticon flash-cards with their monthly bowls of gruel ration cards. On notification of the the nation's LL condition, all citizens are required to pin the appropriate LL flash-card to their outer-clothing.

Lachrymosity Level Notification System

Dear Leader Obama is reported to be considering a similar system for media reporting of his daily poll numbers. Media outlets in the People's Republic of San Francisco have volunteered to be the initial test market.

SACSTW reporters will keep you updated on the latest situations in both North Korea and San Francisco.

*Editor's note: The idea for today's post was brought to you by SACSTW creative consultant and crew member emeritus Brian Holyfield - @Holyfield67

Monday Musings With The Crew

2012-01-16T12:27:00.000-06:00

Right off the bat in this issue of Monday Musings, let's talk MLK. What would Martin Luther King think about the callous hoodwinking of black Americans by the Democratic Party? Democrats constantly reinforce the idea that blacks in America are dependent on governmental largesse for their very existence, not capable of making their own way in today's world. I believe Dr. King might find that particularly offensive. How many of the millions taking today off will spend even a moment thinking about Dr. King? Not many I'm afraid. For the record, the Crew is spending today doing what Dr. King believed in.....working hard to support myself and my family.

Michael Moore is the most famous movie maker in the country, his films are constantly shown on national TV. Uh, Crew you say, what about Scorsese, Spielberg, Eastwood, et al? Hell, what about the Farrelly brothers? Sorry, I forgot to mention the country referred to in this musing is Iran. Hey, I didn't say it, this guy did.

Late-breaking update to the Michael Moore story. Iran's most popular filmmaker says if you are white, over 29, and didn't vote for Obama, you are a racist, homophobic pig. Hmmm, just what is he trying to say about Obama?

The most sensible response to the "golden shower" administered to some room-temperature Taliban fighters by U.S. Marines comes from one of my heroes (and fellow KState grad)....U.S. Rep Allen West, (R-Fl). If you don't know much about Lt. Col. West, take a little time today to research him. West sent an email to the Weekly Standard that read in part:

“The Marines were wrong. Give them a maximum punishment under field grade level Article 15 (non-judicial punishment), place a General Officer level letter of reprimand in their personnel file, and have them in full dress uniform stand before their Battalion, each personally apologize to God, Country, and Corps videotaped and conclude by singing the full US Marine Corps Hymn without a teleprompter.“As for everyone else, unless you have been shot at by the Taliban, shut your mouth, war is hell.”

Read the rest of the email here.

A dozen students at a Portland area high school were injured on Friday during a science class experiment that went awry. The accidental combination of water and volatile metal produced a small explosion and an irritating gas. The students were transported to area hospitals and treated for respiratory problems. All are expected to fully recover. I mention this only because it brings back fond memories of Sahib and Crew toiling away for many hours in biology class. After weeks of hard work and sacrifice, Sahib and I completed our magnum opus...."The Phenomenon of Spontaneous Generation in Drosophila melanogaster". Truly some of our finest work.

Finally, since no Monday Musings is really complete without a video of a swimming goat, here ya go:

Yes, crazy goat lady, he is learning to swim. He is also plotting how to kill you in your sleep.

Obama vs the U.S. Constitution- Round 2

2012-01-15T09:15:00.001-06:00

How I got Mrs. Crew to pose for this
I will never know!

Ding Ding Ding Ding

Round 2- Recess Appointments

A shaken and wobbly Obama retreated to his corner after a beatdown from the US Constitution in Round One. With cutman Bill Ayers and manager Jeremiah Wright exhorting him to continue, Obama answered the bell for Round Two on January 4th by appointing 3 new members to the National Labor Relations Board and Richard Cordray to be the director of the new Consumer Financial Protection Bureau. Normally such appointments require Senate consent, but Obama sidestepped that little detail by labeling the moves "recess" appointments.

Appointment of senior Federal officials requires the advise and consent of the U.S. Senate. Article 2, Section 2 of the Constitution allows the President to apppoint such officials without consent during times the Senate is in recess.

3: The President shall have Power to fill up all Vacancies that may happen during the Recess of the Senate, by granting Commissions which shall expire at the End of their next Session.

Such recess appointments have been used by Presidents of every party since Washington, so hey, what's the big deal right? Really, it isn't a big deal to the Crew, except as an example of the rampant hypocrisy of the left (that means you Bill).

Here's the rub... When Dear Leader made his recess appointments on January 4th, the Senate had only been in "recess" for 2 days, not the 3 required by law. In addition, Senate Republicans have been meeting in what is called "pro forma" sessions, meaning the Senate is technically not in recess at all. Lefties are crying foul, saying Republicans are using political tricks and technicalities to deny Obama the power to make recess appointments. They are right, that is exactly what Senate Republicans are doing.

If you are starting to feel a weird sense of deja vu, don't fret. Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid used exactly the same tactics to prevent President George W. Bush from making recess appointments. The difference is that President Bush had enough respect for the Constitution to not ignore the "technicalities" of the Senate rules. Barack Hussein Obama has no such respect, and has demanded his recess appointments go through.

Looks like Obama has won on points in Round 2, knotting the bout at one round each. The big showdown comes in Round 3 scheduled for late March. That's when the Supreme Court will take up the issue of Obamacare's constitutionality. In my humble opinion, the individual mandate is CLEARLY unconstitutional. SCOTUS should stand tall, strike down Obamacare, and continue the championship reign of the U.S. Constitution.

Obama vs the U.S. Constitution-Let's Get Ready to Rumble!

2012-01-14T08:08:00.000-06:00

(in the Crew's best Michael Buffer impersonation)

Ladies and Gentlemen...... Welcome to the century's main event! A bout for the future of the United States, liberty for people across the globe, and the very notion of individual freedoms!

Introducing the combatants.

First the challenger, fighting out of the blue corner, straight from the Chicago political machine, trained by Jeremiah Wright and Bill Ayers, fighting for statism and governmental intrusion, here is Barack Hussein Obama!

And in the red, white, and blue corner, born in Philadelphia, PA, trained by Washington, Madison, and Jefferson, fighting for individual liberty, 224 years old and STILL Champion of the World.... the Constitution of the United States!

Ding Ding Ding Ding

Round 1- Religious Liberty

Obama threw a flurry of jabs in Round One, using the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission and a lawsuit by Cheryl Perich claiming the Hosanna-Tabor Evangelical Lutheran Church and School in Michigan violated the Americans with Disabilities Act by firing her. Perich, a "called teacher" and commissioned minister within the church, taught secular and religious classes, as well as leading chapel service.

Perich took a disability leave in 2004, after being diagnosed with ........narcolepsy. The church refused to hire her back after her leave, and in the fine tradition of liberal pantywaists everywhere, she sued. The case went all the way to the Supreme Court, where our champion knocked Obama to the canvas with a unanimous SCOTUS ruling in favor of the church. Confirming that churches have the right to a "ministerial exception" to anti-discrimination laws, Chief Justice Roberts said this:

The interest of society in the enforcement of employment discrimination statues is undoubtedly important, but so too is the interest of religious groups in choosing who will preach their beliefs, teach their faith, and carry out their mission.

Click here for Peter Johnson Jr's excellent commentary on Round One

Check back tomorrow for blow by blow accounts of Round Two- Recess Appointments!

Hollywood HOs Weekly Winners: Beyonce and Jay Z

2012-01-13T09:35:00.000-06:00

Hollwood HOs

"We are the coolest people ever!"

We have not one person, but a couple as this week's Hollywood HOs (Hall of Shame) winners. Beyonce and Jay Z are this week's winners, but not for the reasons you think. By now, you have probably heard about parents being blocked from getting to their babies in the NICU, taped-over security cameras, and other general celebrity nonsense.

Apparently, hospital administrators and Mayor Bloomberg want to stay on the good side of one of the entertainment industry's power couples because their exhaustive "investigations" have shown complaints to be exaggerated.

No, Beyonce and Jay Z are this week's Hollywood HOs winners because they named their daughter Blue Ivy. What was their choice for a boy's name? Plutonium Kafka? I have always wondered which came first, the talent or the narcissist. Do fantastically talented people become narcissists as a result of people constantly fawning all over them or do narcissists succeed because they really believe they are the center of the universe? And if all the Hollywood celebs are the center of the universe, shouldn't they be multiverses? It's enough to make Stephen Hawking's brain to explode.

Who would have thought that Gwyneth Paltrow's daughter Apple would have the "normal" name. I can give Moxie Crimefighter's dad Penn Jillette somewhat of a pass because I think he was crazy to begin with, but why do these idiots do this to the people they are supposed to "love"? Their kids are going to have a hard enough time growing up somewhat normal in the abnormal celebrity world. Why make it even harder for them?

I can answer my own question. It's because celebrities don't think it matters. Being creative and nuanced is what counts. They are the center of their own multiverse. The rest of the world will adjust to their wills and desires. When the jacked up name of their kids is just one more straw on camel's back it's OK right? They've got money. That's all that matters right?

Of course, it doesn't always turn out badly for the oddly named children of celebrities. The first one I can remember is Chastity Bono. (Come on! Cher naming a kid Chastity is like Courtney Love naming her kid Sobriety.) We all know what a healthy, happy, well-adjusted woman she grew up to be. Though if I remember correctly, I think she did change her name....

*For the record, Sahib's boys' names are simple correctly spelled names. No hyphens, no symbols, no silent Ps. Of course the Crew's boys are named Habakkuk and Splat, but that's OK. He IS the center of the universe.

Chuck Woolery: Stop Competitive Mediocrity!

2012-01-12T11:29:00.000-06:00

Great American Chuck Woolery, "Dump competitive mediocrity like George Clooney dumps hot Italian models!"

"Too soft on politicians that use class-warfare to divide us!" Amen Chuck!

2013 Obama Interview: A Peek into the Future

2012-01-11T09:25:00.000-06:00

Chris's legs have lost that loving feeling...

The SACSTW Physics Department having completed work on its time machine prototype has had its very first glimpse into the future. We have some bad news and some great news. The bad news is the first message from the future is a Chris Matthews’ interview with Obama. The great news is that Obama lost the 2012 election. The following is a partial transcript of the interview from February 1, 2013:

CM: Mr. President, thank you very much for your time. In know this must be a difficult time for you.
BO: …………………….
CM: Mr. President?
BO: ……………………
CM: Mr. President, I know you are upset. Please talk to me.
BO: Oh, hi Chris. I didn’t notice you there. When did you come in?
CM: Mr. President, we have been setting up for an hour.
BO: Oh, sorry. Hey! Since when have you been in a wheelchair?
CM: **Sob** It happened on election night. When the early election returns looked favorable for you, my legs were tingling and jumping around like Charlie Sheen on a three day meth bender. But when you gave your concession speech 15 minutes later, they went completely numb. I haven’t had feeling in them since. But enough about me… How are you getting along now that you are out of office?
BO: ……………………
CM: Mr. President?
BO: Sorry Chris. Since when have you been in a wheelchair?
CM: Don’t worry about my troubles Mr. President. How are YOU doing?
BO: Well Chris, to be honest… not so hot. The girls aren’t speaking to me, I’ve had to eat that crap the Michelle tried to force on school kids, and Reggie won’t return my calls. I think he’s found someone new. And you know the worst part Chris?
CM: What’s that Mr. President?
BO: I’ve only been able to play about 15 rounds of golf!
CM: But Mr. President, you’ve only been out of office 11 days…
BO: Yes, but they’ve all been rounds on **sob**, local courses!
CM: The horror!
BO: Warren and George have been making fun of me.
*editor’s note: Warren Buffett and George Soros
CM: So how do you think the new president will fare?
BO: How will he fare?!?! HOW WILL HE FARE!?!? He’s friggin Tim Tebow!
CM: I know, it is a little amazing…
BO: Amazing? AMAZING? Friggin miraculous is what it is… if I believed in that sort of thing. The guy farts unicorns and pukes lollipops. First he wins the Super Bowl**, and then his fans get the 28th amendment to the constitution passed in six weeks lowering the minimum age for the presidency, and then the day after he is inaugurated Iran surrenders to Israel! Gas prices are down, unemployment is down, Obamacare has been repealed, and the republicans balanced the budget in six days!
CM: I know, it’s very disturbing.
BO: If things keep going like this, Tebow and the republicans will have America an unassailable superpower again by the end of the year. HE”S UNDOING EVERYTHING WE WORKED FOR!
CM: Mr. President. please calm down. You are going to give yourself a heart attack.
BO: I won’t calm down! And the running mate he picked! I can’t believe he picked……..

At this point, the SACSTW time machine prototype experienced technical difficulties. Once our scientists get it back up and running, we’ll try and get you the rest of the interview. Suffice it to say, we were very encouraged by what we heard. It just goes to show you how bad Obama is that Sahib and the Crew would prefer a Florida Gator/ Denver Broncos quarterback over Obama.

*Sahib and the Crew would like to thank our good friend and Crew Member Emeritus Brian @Holyfield67 for the idea for this post. We hope you enjoy it Brian!

**Sahib and the Crew are not responsible for gambling losses based on SACSTW time machine predictions. Sahib and the Crew do however expect a 10% vig on any gambling wins based on SACSTW time machine predictions. We're kind of like the IRS that way....

Democratic Primary Results in New Hampshire

2012-01-11T07:42:00.001-06:00

By now we all know that Romney won the Republican primary in New Hampshire, with Ron Paul second and John Huntsman third. Any guesses who finished third in the Democratic primary? I'll give you a hint....

Yep, my man Vermin Supreme finished third in a field of 14 candidates in the New Hampshire Democratic Primary yesterday. Garnering 1.4% of the vote (better than Rick Perry on the Republican side!), Vermin vows to keep up the campaign throughout the primary season. Is this a great country or what?

Best and Brightest of the Democrat Party to Challenge Obama In New Hampshire Today!

2012-01-10T07:00:00.018-06:00

Fear not New Hampshire Democrats! You have an alternative to voting for Dear Leader in your primary today. A challenge to Barack Hussein Obama has arisen from a wing of the Democratic Party that is significantly more grounded in reality than the Obama Administration.......Ladies and Gentlemen I give you Vermin Supreme!

So, I show this video to Sahib and he immediately asks...."what is Joe Biden doing running against Obama?"
While it is true that the Vice-President and Mr. Supreme have many philosophical similarities, they are not one and the same. I think.

Mr. Supreme has been running for President for quite some time now. He garnered 149 votes in the 2004 Democratic Primary in Washington, DC. He is running on the tried and true "Pony for all Americans" platform. Not exactly "a chicken in every pot", but hey, it should appeal to 8 year old girls. In addition, he would like to make kidney transplantation mandatory for all Americans. Quite frankly, that sounds more palatable than the medical care Obama has planned for us!

Vote early....Vote often.....Vote Vermin!

Monday Musings With The Crew

2012-01-09T07:22:00.000-06:00

From time to time we here at SACSTW like to look beyond governmental follies and secular progressive inanity to engage in serious, thought-provoking analysis and commentary. This is not one of those times.

From the "how did I miss this last week" department.....Another law that took effect January 1 in Illinois allows holders of a valid trapping permit to collect furbearers killed on Illinois roadways for their pelts and even for food. Asphalt trappers are urged to wear protective gloves and glasses to avoid exposure to "fluids" that may be harmful. The recently departed along the highways and byways of Illinois can also be kept for food, although Bob Bluett with the Illinios Department of Natural Resources says "it depends on what shape it's in and how long it's been there". Note to reader- decline any and all dinner party invitations from Mr. Bluett. Read more about this story here.

Alan Colmes is a vile and digusting human being. During a Fox News Channel appearance last week, the execrable Colmes ridiculed Rick Santorum for the manner in which his family dealt with the death of a new-born child. Take a look at this video. Note around the 1:48 mark where Colmes denies "mocking" the death of a child, and starts to say what he was really mocking....then corrects himself. Kudos to Rich Lowry from The National Review for pinning Colmes's miserable hide to the door.

After his comments generated much well-deserved criticism, Colmes issued an "apology" to Santorum for his hurtful words. Translated from liberal-ese..."I'm sorry I let my guard down and revealed my true despicable nature on national TV".

Quick, look through your bookshelves and coffee tables at home to make sure you don't have any overdue books from the Charlton, Mass. Public Library. Evidently in Charlton the local police call on 5 year old library patrons with overdue materials at their home and threaten them with arrest.

A 2006 law banning men from working in women's clothing/lingerie shops in Saudi Arabia is finally going to be enforced. Boycotts from women reluctant to buy their intimate apparel from male employees have pressured the government to begin enforcing the law. The leading retailer of women's clothing in Saudi Arabia, Gunnysacks "R" Us, has made no public comment.

An Australian tourist visiting Zimbabwe had an interesting bungee jump from the Victoria Falls bridge recently. Erin Langworthy, 22, leaped off the bridge and plummeted toward the waters of the Zambezi River. Her bungee cord snapped, and she was sent hurtling into the crocodile-infested river with her feet still tied together. Miraculously she survived the fall, and was able to swim to shore safely. Now folks, the Crew recommends against bungee jumping under almost any circumstances, but particularly when the waters below look like this....

Don't forget to email us your comments, criticisms, and outrages at sacstw@gmail.com.

Hollywood HOs Weekly Winner: Ellen Barkin

2012-01-06T14:41:00.000-06:00

Hollywood Hall of Shame ( Hollywood HOs)

The new year brings a new weekly feature to SACSTW. Welcome to the the inaugural Sahib and Crew Save the World Hollywood Hall of Shame award, or Hollywood HOs for short. Our inaugural winner should come as no surprise to regular SACSTW readers. She was the topic of Wednesday's blog post. Congratulations Ellen Barkin! You are the very first member of our Hollywood HOs.

First SACSTW Hollywood HOs member Ellen Barkin

For those of you who missed her shenanigans, Ms. Barkin accused the fine officers of the NYPD of shoving and threatening her. Her barely legal boy-toy recorded the exchange for posterity. If senseless carnage and violence is your thing, check out the video below.

After the incident, Ms. Barkin obviously feeling remorse at her boorish behavior followed up with this conciliatory tweet, "F--k all of u, Bloomberg, & every1 goosestepping behind u!" Since her colorful tweet, Ms. Barkin has wisely taken Thumper's mother's advice and has said little at all.

So Ms. Barkin, The Crew and I salute you as our first inductee into our Hollywood HOs! You do Hollywood and your profession proud.

*Editors note: There will be an end of year Hollywood HOs winner... Stay tuned!

Make Mine an Eagle Salad Sandwich!

2012-01-04T22:53:00.001-06:00

Pre-Ginsu Blade Wind Turbine Golden Eagle

Post-Ginsu Eagles

Wow! The law of unintended liberal consequences strikes again. Apparently, the killing of protected birds is okie dokie as long as it is in the pursuit of "green" energy. Seems like red splattered energy to me. Why haven't we seen Greenpeace protesters strapping themselves to turbine blades? Oh, that's right! Wind-power is one of the darlings of the left. According to the People's Republic of California officials, one (that's uno for you bi-lingual education proponents) state-approved wind farm kills 4,700 birds yearly. This includes 1,300 raptors of which approximately 70 are golden eagles.

But wait! There's more! According to a MSNBC article, the federal government is proposing a "first of its kind" permit to allow wind farm developers to legally kill golden eagles. The screaming from lefty-bunny-huggers must be deafening. Hmmmm, maybe I need to turn up my hearing-aid. All I hear is crickets.

I know, devoted readers, that I should no longer be surprised by the hypocrisy of the left. Anything is permissible to them as long as it forwards their agendas. I just wonder about the outrage we would be experiencing if say, a nuclear reactor was zapping these regal creatures from the sky. Aging actresses and Disney tween-queens would be hanging on the fences sobbing.

Far be it for your humble author to get all weepy about environmental issues. I am a card-carrying member of PETA (People for the Eating of Tasty Animals) and have one apron that says "Kill It and Grill It" and another that says "Choke It and Smoke It". I am for exploring all energy options that can make us less dependent on oil controlled by South American dictators and the mad mullahs of the gulf. However; don't get all preachy with me about "saving Mother Nature" and conveniently ignore the environmental impact of your "green" initiatives.

Oh well, I guess I'll just pull on my baby-seal-skin boots and head out to the local reservoir to catch me a mess of fish for a nice snail-darter sandwich. This time of year the bald eagles are thick out there. I promise that I won't tell them their cousins are being julienned out on the left-coast so Californians can feel good about being "green".

King, Mandela, Gandhi, and Barkin

2012-01-04T07:45:00.000-06:00

Add another name to the pantheon of civil rights leaders! Martin, Nelson, Mahatma, move over, there is a new civil rights sheriff in town and she isn't taking any crap! Yes dear readers, Ms. Ellen Moonbat Barkin now exists in the rarefied heights of civil rights greats of the past.

Drudging up memories of Tiananmen Square, Kent State, and Selma, Ms. Barkin and her 26 year old grandson.... errrr... boyfriend were horribly accosted New Years morning by the nefarious and vermicious NYPD. She was attempting to "help" a young woman who was in the process of being arrested by said nefarious and vermicious NYPD officers. Of course, Ms. Barkin is completely qualified to evaluate the validity of the arrest due to her role as an attorney with the district attorney's task-force on police corruption in the movie, "The Big Easy". In the process of offering her assistance to the young woman, Ms. Barkin was brutally "shoved with both hands" and "threatened" by a maniacal officer of the NYPD.

Fortunately, Ms. Barkin's grandson... errr... boyfriend caught all this on video which he so thoughtfully posted online. PLEASE BE ADVISED.... You are about to witness violence of so graphic a nature that it is almost certain to emotionally scar anyone who watches. Please do not let the elderly, children, or those with heart conditions watch!

Please give me a second to compose myself... Thanks, all better now. The last time I saw such violently aggressive behavior was the last time I saw a boy scout escort a little old lady across the street. Oh the humanity!

Of course, Ms. Barkin handled the encounter with her usual elegance, grace, and decorum... She can be heard on the video counselling the wayward young officer, "Get your mother-f***ing hands off of me!" She later followed this up on Twitter with an even more gracious, "F--k all of u, Bloomberg, & every1 goosestepping behind u!"

Thank you Ms. Barkin for fighting the good fight against evil and tyranny! You remind us of what the power of love, compassion, and understanding can do to change the world for the better. I for one will sleep better tonight knowing that you are on the job.

Monday Musings With The Crew

2012-01-02T12:15:00.000-06:00

Welcome to the first edition of Monday Musings for 2012. A veritable New Year's cornucopia of topics, from the insane to the ridiculous. Let's start with the insane...

A new Rasmussen poll revealed that only 5% of Americans approve of Congress. To put that in perspective, other recent approval ratings as determined by polling..

Charles Manson 9.5%
Lindsay Lohan 18%
British Petroleum 16% (taken during the spill)
Dying alone 38%

The insane part of this nugget is that 5% of Americans actually approve of Congress. If you know one of these people, do not approach them. Contact the authorities immediately.

The average American family spent a record $4150 on gasoline in 2011. I actually heard a lib talking head say that means the economy is improving! Uh, no.....demand for gasoline actually pulled back during 2011, the record spending was due to the high energy prices supported by the Obama administration. On the day Dear Leader was inaugurated, gasoline was $1.67 at my neighborhood gas station. Along that vein, Iran is making noises about blocking the Strait of Hormuz, thereby choking off a major source of Middle Eastern crude for the West. Hey Barry....can we actually start developing our own resources NOW? Start drilling, approve the Keystone pipeline, and let's get this country on her own two feet.

Rest easy SACSTW fans, you can continue to read your favorite blog by the blinding light of a 100W incandescent bulb for a few more months (at least in the U.S). January 1, 2012 was supposed to be the end of the 100W bulb, but Congressional action in December pushed that back to at least October. If you have already made the switch to compact fluorescent lamp (CFL) bulbs, you surely have the local HAZMAT team number on speed dial just in case you break one of them right?

And now on to the ridiculous.....January 1, 2012 saw the implementation of over 40,000 new laws and regulations in the United States. Seriously, after over 200 years of existence we still need 40,000 new laws every year? Some of the more interesting new laws on the book

Schools in California are now required to teach students about the contributions made to America by gays, lesbians, bisexuals, and transgender people.
Utah has banned daily drink specials in bars....the end of "happy hour" as we know it. Coming from one who enjoyed "Monday Four-fers" as a young college student, this makes me sad
Georgia now requires golf carts that are driven off the course to be equipped with brakes, reverse warning signal, tail lights, hip restraints, and a horn. Come to think of it, maybe this one is OK....

Illinois now allows motorcyclists to proceed through a red light if it fails to turn green "within a reasonable time". Hmmm, no potential for trouble there......
Illinois also is making it illegal to dispose of electronics such as TV's, keyboards, printers, etc into a landfill. The measure is aimed at getting toxic materials out of the landfills and into your light fixtures.

Have some fun today folks, google "ridiculous new laws for 2012" and see what else your elected leaders have been up to. Just a note of caution, be sure to have plenty of Pepto-Bismol on hand.

Happy New Year From Sahib and the Crew!

2012-01-01T11:34:00.000-06:00

2011 (also known as Year One of the Era of SACSTW) has been put to bed, and 2012 is upon us. In 4 short months, SACSTW has spread across the world faster than Barack Obama can raise your taxes. SACSTW has been read in 36 countries, and reached every continent on the globe (well, except Antarctica...what is wrong with you people down there?). Sahib and I hope that our readers have been entertained and informed when visiting SACSTW, and we promise to keep up the good fight as the world enters a new year. 2012 promises to be a key year in human history, what with a defining election in the USA in November, and the end of the world as foretold by the Mayans coming just 6 weeks later. Please keep spreading the word about SACSTW, keep emailing us at SACSTW@gmail.com, and have a safe and prosperous 2012!

P.S. Hey Antarctica.....I know it's summer down there right now, and all you penguin researchers are probably laying around on the beach, but would it kill you to check out SACSTW every now and then?

Harry Reid's Hit Movies!

2011-12-29T10:55:00.000-06:00

We discussed our esteemed vice president and attorney general last week. So this week, the SACSTW Entertainment department brings you the biggest blockbusters of senate majority leader "Dingy" Harry Reid's illustrious career. Hopefully, you didn't suffer as much through them as we did...

Over the years, Harry got a bigger gun and a bigger pay day!

Harry joined in an unholy partnership with Princess Pelosi. No, I'm not insinuating Princess Pelosi is the love interest as an orangutan. You people have sick minds! She plays the Sandra Locke character...

Finally, they bring our Dear Leader into the picture...

As the poster says, hopefully this all ends in November 2012 and Harry is left all alone as senate minority leader. (I realize that Harry Reid is not up for reelection in 2012, but his partners in crime are.)

Monday Musings With The Crew

2011-12-26T21:05:00.002-06:00

Let's dive right in to this post-holiday edition of MM.......

The national media continues its attempts to keep Barack Obama from appearing to be an inane self aggrandizer, sort of. In his recent interview with 60 minutes on CBS, Obama claimed to be the 4th best president, right behind Johnson (LBJ not Andrew), Lincoln, and FDR. CBS did not air that portion of the interview on the broadcast, but did post the interview in its entirety on its website. Check this out...

There are so many things wrong with this I really don't know where to start. First off, how about mentioning LBJ and Lincoln in the same sentence. Although, I suppose they did both get us into a civil war. Unfortunately, LBJ's was in Vietnam. Now if Obama thinks he is only behind those 3 Presidents, then he puts himself ahead of such slackers as Washington, Jefferson, Madison, Truman, Kennedy, and Reagan. Really, the ego of this guy is just remarkable. What great foreign policy and legislative achievements is he talking about?

Thank God the TSA was on the ball... think of the mayhem
this could have caused mid-flight!

Earlier this month, TSA screeners in Norfolk, Virginia pulled a teenage girl out of line for interrogation due to the gun she was carrying. Well, to be honest she wasn't carrying a gun. She was carrying a purse. A Western-style purse. With an image of a revolver on the side of it. Seriously. Here is the purse......

This was the scene last week at an Indiana mall......

No, those shoppers were not trampling each other and tearing doors from hinges to escape a crazed gunman, poison gas, or marauding grizzly bears. They were breaking IN to the mall to buy $180 sneakers. Guess what many of them will be doing next November? That's right, voting for President of the United States. God help us.

Gender Bending Shocker in Congress!

2011-12-22T08:30:00.024-06:00

All this time, we thought that Congressman Frank (D-MA) pronounced his first name "Bawney" due to his Boston area accent. New evidence this week suggests that perhaps the congressman has been pronouncing his actual first name, "Bonnie", correctly from the start.

If "his" first name is Bonnie, and "he" has a sexual preference for men, could "he" maybe in fact be...."she"?

I know, I know, you think the Crew has finally gone off the rails for good with this one. Not so fast, my tinfoil hat brethren! I mentioned new evidence that has recently been, ahem, revealed about Congressman Frank. Let's go directly to the floor of the U.S. House of Representatives..................

Female First Name- Check
Sexual Preference for Men- Check
Great Rack- Check

Ah Winnie,
the stories you could tell!

For months, DNA researchers at SACSTW have been working around the clock to solve this mystery once and for all. Using samples obtained from the Congressional cloakroom, our scientists have determined that Congressman Frank is the illegitimate daughter of Winston Churchill and Aunt Bea. Other reports have suggested that Congressman Frank was named in honor of Aunt Beas's OTHER secret lover, Deputy Barney Fife. These reports remain unsubstantiated at presstime.

Sorry Barney, I just had to have a little more fun with you before you sail off into the sunset. I love you man! Well, I don't love you like that you know.....I mean geez.....not that there's anything wrong with that......aw forget it. Nice moobs.

The Race Card Is The Real "Last Refuge of a Scoundrel"

2011-12-21T09:13:00.001-06:00

Here is a quiz brought to you by the Obama administration.....

Which of the following issues is the real reason that Obama Attorney General Eric Holder is under fire from the right? Choose all that apply.

Holder's involvement in the Clinton Admininistration's last minute pardon of Democrat contributor and fugitive tax evader Marc Rich.
Holder recommended clemency for 16 members of the terrorist organizations FALN and Machateros as Clinton's Deputy Attorney General in 1999.
In 2008, Holder urged the Supreme Court to uphold the unconstitutional Washington DC handgun ban in D.C. v Heller, claiming that the Second Amendment does not protect an individual's right to keep and bear arms outside of a state run militia.
Holder gave a speech on February 18th, 2009 in which he proclaimed "the United States is a nation of cowards" when it comes to racial relations.
In May of 2009, Holder declined to pursue the case against members of the New Black Panther Party for voter intimidation during the 2008 election, citing "a lack of evidence". (personal note- please, oh please let the New Black Panther Party show up at my polling place in November of 2012)
In November of 2009, Holder announced plans to bring 9/11 conspirators to New York for trial in the U.S. criminal court system.
Agents of Mr. Holder's Department of Justice supplied weapons to drug traffickers, weapons that have been used in hundreds of violent crimes, including the December 2010 murder of U.S. Border Patrol Agent Brian Terry.
He's sueing the state of Arizona because they dare to try and take action against the overwhelming flood of illegal immigration that the Obama Administration has failed to address.
He opposes any attempts to reduce voter fraud through voter ID measures.
He's black.

Let's let Attorney General Holder give us the answer, from a Sunday NY Times article by Charlie Savage...

In the interview, Mr. Holder offered a glimpse of how he viewed the criticism. He said he thought some critics — like Senator Lindsey Graham, a South Carolina Republican who favors allowing the military to handle terrorism suspects over the criminal justice system — are expressing “good faith” arguments about their policy disagreements.

But Mr. Holder contended that many of his other critics — not only elected Republicans but also a broader universe of conservative commentators and bloggers — were instead playing “Washington gotcha” games, portraying them as frequently “conflating things, conveniently leaving some stuff out, construing things to make it seem not quite what it was” to paint him and other department figures in the worst possible light.

Of that group of critics, Mr. Holder said he believed that a few — the “more extreme segment” — were motivated by animus against Mr. Obama and that he served as a stand-in for him. “This is a way to get at the president because of the way I can be identified with him,” he said, “both due to the nature of our relationship and, you know, the fact that we’re both African-American.” (emphasis is mine)

Is it Stedman, is it the Attorney General?
I don't think even Oprah knows for sure!

Yep, you're right Mr. Holder. All us crackers out here would be just fine with items 1-9 on the above list, if only you were white. In the fine tradition of Al Sharpton, Jesse Jackson, and Cornel West, Attorney General Holder is carving out a place of his own in the race-baiter hall of fame. Do us all a favor, resign your office immediately and go back to just squiring Oprah around town.

This Guy is Really our Vice President?

2011-12-20T14:14:00.000-06:00

Joe pulling another gem from his brain

While or president is preparing to vacation (at a 4 million dollar taxpayer expense) in Asia (Hawaii, the 58th or 59th state), the attention of Sahib and Crew turns to our esteemed vice president and quote machine, Joe Biden.

After his most recent pearl of wisdom, "The Taliban per se is not our enemy", I have only one question. Are you kidding me!? OK, make that two questions. How did anyone vote for a presidential ticket that included this moron? I mourn the lack of logic and reason in this country. This guy is a heart-beat from the presidency! The libs were nervous about the possibility of Dan Quayle becoming president? Dan Quayle is Winston Churchill compared to this guy.

To give our lib friends a comparison they might understand, take the craziest pieces of Ross Perot and Ron Paul, mix in the moral laxness of Spiro Agnew, and add the combined intelligence of Maxine Waters and a box of rocks. The results would be something slightly less disturbing than Joe Biden. Just in case you have forgotten, here are a few Joe Biden "highlights":

His unabashed plagiarism of Prime Minister candidate Neil Kinnock's entire life along with speeches from Robert Kennedy and Hubert Humphrey.
"Our next president... Barack America!"
"Stand up Chuck, let em see ya!" to Senator Chuck Graham who is in a wheelchair.
"Look, John's plan does nothing to tackle the number-one job facing the middle-class, and it happens to be, as Barack say, a three-letter word, jobs. J O B S, jobs"
His assertion that if the president's latest "jobs" plan wasn't passed that there would be an increase in rapes and murders.
"When the stock market crashed, Franklin D. Roosevelt got on the television and didn't just talk about the, you know, the princes of greed. He said, 'Look, here's what happened."
"You cannot go to a 7-11 or a Dunkin' Donuts unless you have a slight Indian accent.... I'm not joking."
And of course, the aforementioned "The Taliban per se is not our enemy."

Come on America! You know better and we can DO better than this next year. In 2012, lets kick our Dear Leader and his court jester to the curb.

Monday Musings With The Crew

2011-12-19T12:40:00.000-06:00

Another addition to the "List of Tyrants who have croaked
since SACSTW came on the scene"

Kim Part 3 looks like the voice of reason,
doesn't he?

Not only is Kim Jong ill, he's dead. After continuing his father's legacy of brutality and oppression for 17 years, the ruler of North Korea has died. Reports indicate he suffered a heart attack on Dec. 17th, and died shortly therafter. The designated successor is Kim Jong il's son, Kim Jong Un. In a gesture surely meant to reassure neighboring South Korea that regime change will be peaceful and non-threatening, North Korea test-fired short range missiles off its eastern coast yesterday. I feel better already!

Here's another story about good samaritans paying off layaway accounts for holiday shoppers. Thanks to Sahib for bringing this story to the attention of the SACSTW community.

The Green Bay Packers dreams of an undefeated season and their 19 game winning streak died on the turf at Arrowhead Stadium in Kansas City. Fourteen point underdogs going in to the game, the KC Chiefs authored the biggest upset of the NFL season with the assistance of an actual NFL coach and a professional quarterback.

By now you have heard that the National Transportation and Safety Board (NTSB) has called for a nationwide ban on all usage of "portable electronic devices" while driving. Specifically aimed at cell phones, this ban would include texting, voice calling, and even use of hands-free equipment. While the Crew agrees that distracted driving is a threat to us all, this falls under the category of "you can't fix stupid" (with apologies to Ron White). Look for bans of other driving distractions to soon follow, mascara, Egg McMuffins, billboards for strip clubs, and daredevil squirrels. By the way, how would this ban affect those who are actually driving a "portable electronic device"? Both Chevy Volt owners want to know. For more information on distracted driving, readers are directed to P.J. O'Rourke's classic essay "How to Drive Fast on Drugs While Getting Your Wing-Wang Squeezed and Not Spill Your Drink!".

Merry ChristmaHanuKwanzakah to all!

Operation Santa's Sleigh-Away

2011-12-17T12:05:00.000-06:00

Join Sahib and the Crew in Operation Santa's Sleigh-Away! According to a Washington Post article anonymous Santas are paying off layaway items at K-Mart and other chain stores this Christmastime. Stores in Nebraska, Michigan, Montana, Iowa, Missouri, and Indiana are reporting people have been paying down toys and items for young children that their parents have placed on layaway.

Devoted readers, we all can make a difference this year at Christmas no matter how small or how large a contribution you can make. According to Karl Graff the assistant K-Mart manager in Omaha, one woman broke into tears when he called her to tell her about the help. "She wasn't sure she was going to be able to pay off their layaway and was afraid their kids weren't going to have anything for Christmas." Graff said, "You know, 50 bucks may not sound like a lot, but I tell you what, at the right time, it may as well be million dollars for some people."

Last week I saw first-hand how big an impact small efforts can make. A program in which I participate built and gave away 27 bicycles to local Boys and Girls Club programs. The looks in the children's eyes as they were wheeling their bikes to the bus was something I'll never forget.

We have a week left before Christmas! If you can, go down to your local K-Mart, Wal-Mart, Target, or any other store that has a layaway program. Ask about layaway items that have toys or items for children and offer to pay down the layaway. One caveat, ask about the store policy before completely paying off items. You may want to pay it down to a couple of dollars so that it is not closed out.

We can make a difference! Please help if you can and share this with your friends and family. Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to you and yours from Sahib and the Crew!

The Company You Keep......

2011-12-16T13:53:00.001-06:00

One way to evaluate a President is by examining those he surrounds himself with, those he turns to for counsel, those he goes out of his way to support. Let's turn that lens towards Barack Hussein Obama.

In March 2010, Jon Corzine became the CEO of MF Global, one of those gigantic brokerage firms that all the Moonbats were squawking about before it got cold outside. 20 months later, on Oct.31 2011, MF Global filed the 8th largest bankruptcy in U.S. history. Oh and by the way, under Corzine's leadership approximately 1.2 billion dollars belonging to MF Global clients mysteriously "disappeared" after being comingled with company funds in violation of federal law. At his recent appearance before Congress on the matter, Corzine meekly mumbled "I don't know what happened to the money".

I bet the name Corzine is starting to ring some bells, right? Didn't he used to be some big shot Democrat politician you ask? Why yes Grasshopper, you are correct. A former U.S. Senator (D-NJ) and former governor of New Jersey, Corzine was swept out of office in 2009 by Republican Chris Christie. So, after driving the state of New Jersey into the ditch (literally), Corzine's brilliance led MF Global into ignominious bankruptcy and Congressional hearings within 20 months.

What in the world does this have to do with Dear Leader? I think I'll just let the administration speak for itself......

Ok, Ok, that is just a President working to keep a Democrat governor in office. That doesn't mean Obama thinks Corzine is all that, right? Not so fast ......

Is there any wonder that Dear Leader and his merry band of progressives has no idea how to get the U.S. economy back on track? I wonder if any of the MF Global customers that lost over a billion dollars under Corzine's stewardship would agree that he is "the smartest guy in terms of the economy and finance". Barack Hussein Obama and the company he keeps has driven our country to the very brink of disaster. Time for a grown up to take the wheel. Let's just pray it's not too late.

President Barack Ospama, Internet Stalker

2011-12-15T13:01:00.001-06:00

You know folks, when Sahib and I started SACSTW 4 months ago, I worried that finding enough stories that inspired a blog post might be tough. Yeah, not so much. The Obama administration is the gift that just keeps giving.

Since you are reading an internet blog, I'm guessing you are familiar with a little thing called email spam. All of us find our inboxes and spam folders choked to the gills with unwanted and unsolicited emails, now the most powerful man on the planet is piling on.

The 2012 Obama campaign is spooling up their online donation push at barackobama.com. Should you feel compelled to make an online donation, you will be confronted with this little gem on the President's website:

Who inspires you to give?

This holiday season, we're giving you a chance to have a little fun at the expense of a Republican in your life by letting them know they inspired you to make a donation to the Obama campaign.

Simply enter their name and email address below. Then, we'll send them a message letting them know they inspired you to donate. (Don't worry—we won't hold on to any of their information.)

Thank you for supporting this campaign, and happy holidays.

That's right freedom lovers, Barack Ospama wants donors to give your email address to his campaign, so he can prank you with a snarky, unwanted, and unsolicited email. Very dignified and fitting for the man who occupies the office of Washington, Jefferson, and Lincoln. But have no fear conspiracy theorists, Ospama promises not to hold on to any of your information. All of you who believe that, please turn your tinfoil hat in at the door. It's painfully obvious that our president is nothing but a spiteful and petulant child, thumbing his nose and shouting "nana nana booboo" at those who disagree with his policies. It's pathetic and disgusting.

Barack Hussein Obama Mexican Border Crossing

2011-12-12T15:53:00.000-06:00

I guess Mel Brooks was prescient!

Maybe we could use the money to fund some new government program!

Monday Musings With The Crew

2011-12-12T10:34:00.002-06:00

Once more, into the breech......

How bad are the Kansas City Chiefs? Try this little experiment. Stand up. Take 5 long steps. You have now traveled further than the Kansas City offense did in the entire first half yesterday against the New York Jets. LATE BREAKING UPDATE: Minutes after this post was published, the Chiefs fired head coach Todd Haley. The influence of SACSTW knows no bounds!

I'm guessing he's Spanky

Al Sharpton's not-for-profit (insert smirk here) National Action Network is in serious financial trouble. NAN owes over $880,000 in federal payroll taxes. They also owe over $200,000 to one of Sharpton's for profit firms, Bo-Spanky Consulting. Let me write that again..... Bo-Spanky Consulting. Almost as much fun to write as it is to say. I am calling for an immediate investigation into the true leadership of this consulting firm, anything named Bo-Spanky has to have Barney Frank involved somehow.

Sorry little fella, don't take it personally

The Patriot Freedom Alliance is the Tea Party organization in Hutchinson, Kansas. They have run afoul of the race card in the last few days. A cartoon (since removed) on their website compared a skunk to Barack Obama, saying that like the President, the skunk is "half-black, half-white, and everything it does stinks". The local NAACP predictably termed the cartoon as racist and offensive. The Crew wonders how much longer an organization with the words "Colored People" in its title will be allowed to be the arbiter of racism. Actually, I agree that the cartoon was offensive and degrading.... to skunks.

Looks like the Obama administration is deadly serious about securing our southern border. After all, why else would the federal government open an unmanned border crossing point? That is exactly what they want to do in Big Bend National Park so the residents of the tiny Mexican town of Boquillas del Carmen don't have to travel the 240 miles to the nearest legal entry point. Here is how it will work..... note that this requires a significant suspension of disbelief! Border crossers using the "kiosk" will scan their documents in and talk to a Customs officer who will be at least 100 miles away. Attention Dear Leader, kiosks are for selling sunglasses in the mall. Gun towers and German Shepherds are for border crossings.

A large Christmas light display has a neighbor angry, calling the display "psychological warfare". No, this doesn't involve U.S. public schools, state courthouses, or any of the other places Christmas lights usually run afoul of the left. This time, it's Kim Jong-il and his merry band of North Korean gangsters protesting a South Korean Christmas light display about 2 miles from the border with North Korea. North Korea's official website decried the display as "a mean attempt for psychological warfare", and threatened retaliatory gunfire if the lights are actually switched on. Geez, who knew? All that angst about North Korea's military build-up and all we had to do was string up some pretty lights!

Chuck Woolery: Don't Cut Critical Programs!

2011-12-09T09:49:00.001-06:00

Great patriot Chuck Woolery examines government programs we just can't afford to cut! We have to keep those Chinese hookers sober! Required viewing...

If not chairman of the Fed, how about Newt's Chief of Staff?

Weekend Musings with the Crew

2011-12-05T13:04:00.001-06:00

With apologies to Jack Handey, it's time for another edition of Weekend Musings....

A multi-car pileup on a Japanese expressway involved 8 Ferraris, 1 Lamborghini, and several Mercedes, resulting in the most costly car accident of all time. What is still not clear is why so many Democratic congressmen were driving together along the Japanese highway.

NBC breathlessly announced that Madonna would provide the halftime entertainment at the Super Bowl. Scientists at NBC parent company GE are hard at work on the time machine that will be required to transport Super Bowl viewers back 15 years to when Madonna was relevant. The Crew expects a significant "wardrobe malfunction" as part of the hoopla.

A 7 year old Boston boy is being charged with sexual harassment after he allegedly punched another boy in the groin. His mother claims he acted in self defense after the other boy choked him while they were on the school bus. As any of us males who have received such a sack tap can attest, there is nothing sexual about it. In a related story, a 9 year old North Carolina student was suspended for sexual harassment as well. His dastardly deed..... calling his teacher "cute". Now, when I was 9, had I called my teacher cute I would not have been suspended for sexual harassment. Rather, I would have been immediately referred to the local optometrist for a thorough vision evaluation. Now, had I used the phrase "gnarly old hag".........

A high school principal in New York is under fire for this picture that was posted on her Facebook page.....the principal is the one on the right. :))

Oh those wacky school administrators!

Chuck Woolery: A Great Patriot!

2011-11-28T19:52:00.000-06:00

Chuck assists Sahib and the Crew in their mission to Save the World!

When Newt is president, my vote is Chuck Woolery for Chairman of the Fed!

A Long, Thoughtful Look Back At The First 100 Days

2011-11-28T08:26:00.001-06:00

SACSTW recently oberved its 100th day of existence. During the first few days, Sahib and I wondered if the two of us would be the only readers. As of today, SACSTW has reached thousands of readers spread across 24 countries and 5 continents. From Latvia to Brazil, Norway to Australia, SACSTW is spreading across the globe like a Justin Bieber Youtube video. Sahib and I are proud of what SACSTW has become, and I am most proud that it took over 100 days for Justin Bieber to be mentioned in these pages! (I (Sahib) am most proud that we haven't done one 10,000th of the damage to the country that our Dear Leader did in his first 100 days.)

Sahib and I are political junkies, but what we love even more is humor. We hope you have laughed along with us as we lampoon and parody our way through the political landscape of Obamerica. Remember, even in the silliest of satire there are lessons to be learned, points to be made. All opinions are welcome here, share yours with the world by commenting on the blog, or email us at SACSTW@gmail.com. Most of all continue to be a part of the SACSTW community by visiting regularly and telling your friends about the great time to be had at Sahib and the Crew Save The World!

Monitor This Governor Brownback!

2011-11-26T13:57:00.000-06:00

NEWS RELEASE-NEWS RELEASE-NEWS RELEASE

Kansas Department of Child Indoctrination (Education)

Governor’s Ministry of Adolescent Oversight-Internet Bureau

The KDCI/GMAO is pleased to announce today that it has uncovered and foiled a nefarious plot to disparage and ridicule Dear Governor Brownback. The scheme was hatched at the Shawnee Mission East High School chapter of the KDCI and spearheaded by Student-Citizen Emma Sullivan. At a Youth In Government meeting in the glorious capitol city of Topeka, Student-Citizen Sullivan willfully and without regard for Dear Governor’s feelings sent the following Tweet…”Just made mean comments at gov. brownback and told him he sucked, in person #heblowsalot”.

Fortunately for Dear Governor, the Tweet Detection Section of the Ministry of Adolescent Oversight immediately sprang into action. The offending Student-Citizen was verbally corrected by SME Principal Karl Krawitz in his office for approximately one hour. She was advised that her Tweet had embarrassed the SME chapter of KDCI Bureau 512, and “damage control” was needed with the office of Dear Governor. Principal-Minister Krawitz is instructing Sullivan on the proper points to cover in her written apology to Dear Governor. Leaders of the Kansas Department of Child Indoctrination are pleased that this vicious attack on Dear Governor was so promptly detected and effective counter-measures so quickly deployed. KDCI is expected to award Sherienne Jones-Sontag, director of the Governor’s Ministry of Adolescent Oversight, with the prestigious Orwell Award for excellence in citizen monitoring.

SACSTW Analysis:

The sanitized version of this story appeared on the front page of the Kansas City Star on Thanksgiving Day. The student involved is an 18 year old, self-described liberal senior at Shawnee Mission East High School. Although her tweet claimed she had made comments directly to Governor Brownback, no such verbal comments were made. Let’s get a few points straight here:

1. Governor Sam Brownback is a conservative Republican

2. The Crew is a conservative Republican

3. Emma Sullivan is a liberal student at Shawnee Mission East High School

4. The Crew is a conservative graduate of Shawnee Mission East High School

5. Sam Brownback sucks

Freedom-loving Kansans of all political stripes should be horrified and disgusted that Sam Brownback is spending their tax monies (OPM) monitoring the internet for nasty comments about himself. Here is a sentence from the Star story that is one the most chilling things I have ever read:

Brownback’s director of communication wasn’t amused when the tweet was spotted during the routine daily monitoring of comments on Twitter and Facebook mentioning the governor’s name.

Guess what Governor Brownback? I’m not amused that you have state employees conducting “routine daily monitoring” of the Internet for people making snarky comments about you. Perhaps you should re-familiarize yourself with the First Amendment. Yeah, yeah, I know. The First Amendment was written to apply to the federal government. Still, I’d like to think that you as a former U.S. Senator would agree with the quaint little principle of free speech.

I am guessing that as a 47 year old male conservative, I disagree with about 99.9% of what an 18 year old liberal female says. What I do agree with is her right to voice her opinion, even if her opinion is that a male conservative “sucks”. As an SME grad, I am truly embarrassed by the school principal’s heavy-handed response, and Principal Karl Krawitz should be the one apologizing. By the way, why do I have this slightly queasy, uneasy feeling about guys named Carl who spell their name with a “K”? But I digress. The student (a legal adult by the way) committed no crime, and threatened no violence. She expressed a POLITICAL opinion to which the state of Kansas and the Shawnee Mission East High School principal took exception. That my friends is a very slippery slope indeed. I attended class in the Shawnee Mission School District from kindergarten through high school. I have long thought it to be one of the very finest public school districts in the country, and have resisted the concept that public schools are indeed “Departments of Indoctrination”. Now I am not so sure. It is a sad day for this Shawnee Mission East Lancer.

As always we would love your comments on this issue below! Or send them to SACSTW@gmail.com.

Palestinian State? Just Say No!

2011-11-21T19:39:00.001-06:00

The whole world seems to think a Palestinian state is just a hunky dory idea. WRONG!

Don't believe me? Follow along with me in this alternate US History lesson:

1776 - UN creates the United States consisting of modern day states of Oregon, Nevada, Idaho, Utah, Montana, Wyoming, Colorado, and New Mexico. The US declares statehood. The next day, Canada, Mexico, Great Britain, Japan, and France declare war on the US.
1778 - The US kicks everyone's butt. The world is pissed.
1812 - Canada, Mexico, and Great Britain declare war on the US again.
1814 - The US kicks butt again, but this time says to the world "screw you!" and takes California, Washington, and everything east of the Mississippi to the eastern seaboard. The world is pissed again.
1848 - The people living on the eastern seaboard and in California decide they need their own country too. Nobody listens or cares.
1850 - Canada and Mexico launch a surprise attack on the US on Christmas day. The US drives to Mexico City. The world is pissed and says "Stop!" Inexplicably the US does.
1870 - The US gives everything back to Mexico in exchange for a promise that we won't kick their butts again. The people of the eastern seaboard and California start shooting at us with cannons and sending donkey carts loaded with TNT to blow up our towns, schools, and churches. The world cheers.
1871 to 2008 - The world decides that we are horrible people because we take umbrage that the people of the eastern seaboard and California continue to murder our citizens.
2008 to Present - The US says "OK, if you stop shooting cannon balls at us and sending donkey carts loaded with TNT to blow up our towns, schools, and churches, we'll agree to you having your own country."
What do you think the US should do?

Let's get a couple of things straight:

The rest of the Arab world doesn't give a diddly squat about the Palestinians. They hate Jews and by extension, Israel. The Arab world cared nothing of the "Palestinian" people until Israel kept kicking their asses every time they attacked Israel. The Palestinians are a convenient excuse to distract the Arab people from their ruling despots.
There are no "Palestinian" people. In the history of the world, there has never been a Palestine. They are people who lived in "Trans-Jordan", the 75% of the Palestine Mandate carved out for the "Palestinian" people. Something conveniently forgotten by the world and the lefties in the US.

The moral of this story is that there will be no peace in the Middle East until Israel no longer exists. Israel can make concession after concession, but as long as they control one square foot of land in the Middle East, there will be no peace. If you believe otherwise, you are delusional or intentionally obtuse.

Justin Timberlake versus Suffolk University Law School

2011-11-16T16:50:00.000-06:00

A couple interesting and conflicting viewpoints on the U.S. military surfaced in the last few days.

First up is former Mousketeer and current actor/singer/superstar Justin Timberlake. By now you probably know the story. Last summer 23 year old Marine Cpl. Kelsey De Santis posted a Youtube video asking Timberlake to attend the Marine Corps Ball in November. Not only did Timberlake accept the invitation, he held up his end of the agreement and attended the ball with Cpl. De Santis in Washington, DC last week. While De Santis and her Corps colleagues were understandably stoked about the superstar's attendance, Timberlake's thoughts on the evening were remarkable and inspiring. On his website, Timberlake posted a beautifully written article about his experience. In part he said this:

“It was a surreal moment to be in that room with so many of our great Marines who have such a different type of connection to those stories. One that we who don’t serve will NEVER understand. It was familial. It was like they were listening to their own blood brothers. I glanced around the room at young men and women, spouses and soldiers… At kids way beyond their years, really… All so deeply entwined. Not just by battle, even though we who have never endured anything remotely close to those experiences and have NO position to comment on… But, by having such life changing experiences through them and to not ever waver in their love and respect for our homeland. That’s what I saw. A faith in us that has been tested time and time again. And, through it all, NEVER a drop of doubt.”

Please go to Timberlake's website to read the entire post. I for one am not predisposed to appreciate boy band singers, but Justin Timberlake has grown up just fine. As anyone who has seen his musical shorts with Andy Samberg knows, Timberlake is not just a great singer, but hysterically funny as well. Mega-talented, self-deprecating, and greatly appreciative of the freedoms and opportunities afforded by our great country, Timberlake is the real deal. Bravo Justin!

Next up is Suffolk University (Mass.) Law School professor Michael Avery. Avery responded to a campus wide drive for care packages to send to overseas troops this way in an email: I think it is shameful that it is perceived as legitimate to solicit in an academic institution for support for men and women who have gone overseas to kill other human beings

This is what your tuition payments are going for parents! Professor Avery and his secular-progressive, anti-America colleagues are spoon feeding their vitriol to your kids on your dime. Guess what the result is? Moonbat city!

Professor Avery, you should be on your knees every night giving thanks that there are people like Corporal De Santis willing to put their life on the line to protect you and your liberal cronies from the evildoers in our world. You sir, are the very definition of shameful. How does it feel to be outclassed as a man by a Mouseketeer?

Let me know what you think about this at SACSTW@gmail.com

Email Sahib and the Crew!

2011-11-16T15:02:00.000-06:00

Dear reader,
We at SACSTW greatly value input and feedback from our readers. You can share those thoughts with the entire SACSTW community by commenting on posts, now you can also email us at SACSTW@gmail.com. We would like to hear how you found SACSTW, where you are located, any topics you would like to see covered, jokes, gripes, rants, etc. We need readers in Africa, so heck, we would even welcome a couple Nigerian scam emails! Thanks for your continued interest in SACSTW!

San Fran Judge: US Flag Equivalent to Confederate Flag

2011-11-14T11:18:00.000-06:00

Not OK

According to Chief U.S. District Judge James Ware in the People’s Republic of San Francisco, wearing an American flag in an AMERICAN high school is racially incendiary and thus is not protected by the first amendment.

For those of you not familiar with the story, several “Anglo” students wore shirts with American flags on them on Cinco de Mayo. They were threatened with suspension and sent home when they refused to change. This was supposedly to protect them from the “Mexican-American” students. (The use of Anglo and Mexican-American qualifiers was the judge’s, not mine.) Here is a link to the original story on Fox News. My favorite quote from the original story was this doozy, “Freshman Laura Ponce, who had a Mexican flag painted on her face and chest, told the Morgan Hill Times that Cinco de Mayo is the ‘only day’ Mexican-American students can show their national pride.” I would respectfully suggest to Miss Ponce, that as a “Mexican-American”, you would show your “national pride” by painting an American flag on your face and chest.

Back to what is sure to be a hallmark of jurisprudence, Judge Ware’s decision…

As reported by the San Francisco Chronicle, the lawsuit filed by the students “accused school officials of violating the standard that the Supreme Court set in 1969 when it upheld students' right to wear black armbands to class, in a silent protest against the Vietnam War, and said schools can suppress student expression only when it threatens to disrupt the educational process.” But Judge Ware had a response; he said “post-1969 rulings by federal courts have deferred to school officials' conclusions that certain types of student expression could endanger the speakers - for example, decisions by three appellate courts upholding bans on the Confederate flag in schools with histories of racial tension.” So according to Judge Ware, wearing an American flag in the People’s Republic of California is as racially incendiary as wearing a Confederate flag in the south.

After reading this, I thought that surely this high school must be located in an East LA barrio. Maybe school officials made the correct decision. I did some quick research on this “racially charged” high school and community.

Here is the information I found. I’ll let you decide if this high school is located in East LA.

Live Oak High School Sports (not a complete listing):

Cross Country
Football
Basketball
Field Hockey
Golf
Tennis
Volleyball
Water polo
Badminton
Rugby

Morgan Hill, California demographic information:

Population – 38,547
Median household income - $95,968 ($37,000 above the state average)
Median house or condo value: $647,883 ($265,000 above the state average)
Mean price for free-standing homes: $835,769

Wow! With the pressure of running from water polo practice to your next badminton match, how did poor little Laura Ponce find the energy to paint her face and chest? Her hair stylist must have done it for her.

So, the moral of the story devoted readers is this: Your first amendment rights will be upheld as long as you are a threat to trample the first amendment rights of others. If you are a peaceful, patriotic, law-abiding student, you have no first amendment rights, because the people you might offend might be violent.

I Fought For You: Required Viewing

2011-11-11T07:54:00.002-06:00

Sahib and The Crew would like to thank all members of the military past and present for your service and sacrifice for our country and all our families. I (Sahib) would particularly like to thank my grandfather (WWI - Battle of Belleau Wood veteran), my wife's grandfather (WWII - Normandy Invasion veteran), my father (Vietnam), my father in-law, and my friends Carla, David, Jason, Michelle, Phil, Scott, Scott R., Steve I., and Steve M. Oh, and I almost forgot BalmerLiberal. Your service is appreciated more than you know.

Please take a few minutes and watch this wonderful video in honor of all our veterans.

Added by the Crew:
Thanks to Sahib for this great Veterans Day tribute. People all over the world, not just here at home, owe their freedoms to the American soldier. From Poland to Kuwait, tens of millions live in freedom as a result of the bravery and sacrifice of America's military. I would like to thank the veterans in my life, starting with my late father and father-in-law. Brothers-in-law Rick, Mark, and Aric. Niece Amanda. Friends Carl, Kris, Chris, Robert, Roger, Howard, Verne, and John. Many clients too numerous too mention....thanks to you all!

Occupy Protests Get Philosophy from Soviet Propaganda

2011-11-10T10:33:00.000-06:00

Now we know where the "enlightened ones" of the Occupy Protests have gotten their political platform! You would think they could have come up with something better than 30 year old Soviet propaganda.

Obama Hates Occupy Wall Street

2011-11-08T09:01:00.000-06:00

OWS or Tea Party?

President Obama and his minions of insufficient light hatethe Occupy protests. More accurately,they hate the protesters. Obama, Biden,Reid, Pelosi, Wasserman-Schultz, et al. will never admit it, but believe me,they hate the Occupy protesters. Oh theysmile for the media and talk about how they “support” the protesters, but they secretly wishsomeone would detonate a giant Raid bug-bomb on the whole group.

You may ask, “Sahib, how can that be true? These protesters represent the left’s votingbase. How can their political leadershate them?” Elementary my dear readers,who wants an unwashed, undisciplined, incoherent, bat-shit crazy group ofpeople promoting their agenda? As muchas Obama and his MSM drones love to bag on the Tea Party movement, they would givetheir eye-teeth to have the Tea Party people backing Obama’s socialistplatform. I mean come on; who would youprefer backing your cause? Mr. and Mrs.Joe America with their two bright-eyed apple-cheeked children or a bunch of unwashedmosh pit rejects?

For example, I think it is safe to say that most evangelicalChristians are not big proponents of homosexual causes. How do you think they feel when they see thatidiot from Topeka, Fred Phelps, and his loony family protesting at a fallensoldier’s funeral? “Go get ‘em Freddy!?” Heck no, they realize his hatred and vitriol tarnishes the image ofanyone who opposes the GLBT agenda. It’sguilt by association. The same goes forthe Occupato Mafia and their support for a socialistic nirvana here in the goodold USA. Crazy people are bad for your message.

As exposed by SACSTW’s crack staff last week, Karl Rove’splan was ingenious. Like Obama and hiscronies, King Karl understands that elections hinge on swaying the 10-15% ofindependent voters to your side. Karlwas just helping the left with their sales pitch. Fortunately for the supporters of truth,justice, and the American way, there isn’t much Obama can do but sit and stewabout it.